Like having a ford cortina parked up your ....

It's the one test a woman never wants to take ... and whenever I'm laying there with a speculum in between my legs I always remember a Ben Elton skit I saw on DVD years ago where he described a smear test as "Like having a Ford Cortina parked up your *****!"

So yes ladies (because I am sure there aren't any blokes reading this entry anymore!) today I had my routine smear test. Isn't it amazing how you can get rid of blokes in one easy move by talking about "women's problems" LOL

Seriously though, it does amaze me that after all of the medical advances there STILL isn't a better way to do this than dropping your knickers for a stranger, allowing them to park a Ford Cortina up there and them poking around at your cervix?

I'm ALL up for smear tests and think we should probably have them more often than the current three yearly re-calls, but medical science still hasn't made the experience any less pleasant! Mind you, I remember when the speculum was metal (read COLD) and at least it's less of a cold shock with the pastic ones today ... but still! Even the dentist has lots of nice gadgets to make your experience a little less stressful than it was 20 odd years ago ... but new smear test gadgets? Nah!!

My test today was actually amusing in parts though! When the nurse came over after I had "made myself comfortable" (????) she took one look and said "Ohhh you're shaved!" ... then on her second look I saw her do almost a double take as she started scraping my cervix and said "Ohhh you're pierced too!"

LOL what to say to that? Yes Nurse, I had my clitoral hood pierced about a year ago in an attempt to spice up my flagging sex life? .... errr I just smiled and said nothing as I tried to think happy thoughts and resist the overwhelming temptation to thump her (well, she started it!).