AARRRGGHHH SO BUSY!!!

I have so much to write about but no time to write it! I have been soooooo busy over the last few days! I'll post an update as soon as I actually have a spare 5 minutes! LOL

food and friends

Went over for a meal and a few drinkies with some friends last night. F and A have been together like forever and it had been way too long since we had seen each other. They knew about the probs between hub & I, but it didn't make a difference to the evening at all (just carefully avoided the subject! HAH) and A does cook the most amazing food!! We all had a lot to catch up on in the YEAR yes YEAR since we'd seen each other!!

A and I got chatting about photography and he showed me his new camera - he's a Nikon man! LOL I had to smile, I can't help it, I love my Canon camera! HAH Anyway ... he agreed with me that there is nothing better than going out for a day and just taking photographs of things that interest you!! The upshot of it is that we're going to get together for the day again - hub is going to take F out on his bike all day and A and I are going snapping!! Can't wait!

Willy Candle Clinic!

If we are being politically correct I'd call 'em male gender candles, but as we aren't ... they are just willy candles!!! Anyway, whatever we are calling them, I made 16 of them yesterday for an order and it can be quite amusing if the candles leak around the wick because where the wax leaks out of the hole ... LOL it looks like - well, err use your imagination!!! HAHA

Anyway, today was Willy Candle Clinic day ... where the willies get unmolded and hand finished ready to go out. It was SUCH a laugh I couldn't help taking pics! Excuse the quality as they were taken on my phone...

Here we can see Terri doing "the scraping procedure" part of willy candle clinic! *wicked grin* the candles have a seam line where they are made in 2 piece moulds and this needs to be smoothed down ... this involves using a knife to scrape along the length and over the head of the willy and carve out any irregularities.

Lou came in and joined in the fun for the next step which involves cutting off the wick at the base of the balls and making sure that they stand up right.

It does cause awful problems when the willys wont stay standing up!!!! Don't you agree girls?

BLUE DICK ALERT!!!!

Bwahahahaaa!!

Excuse the crappy photo quality - the light was really bright! This is the check for what has affectionately been termed as "blue dick!!" I use a blue coloured sealant around the wick hole and the residue is sometimes left on the surface of the candle. In this case, the head of the willy is closely inspected and any of the blue mould seal is removed to ensure it burns nicely (ouch!)

Sometimes we get what we refer to in the workshop as "waxy syphylis" where there are white markings on the surface of the candle. It's actually due to the wax not being HOT hot, but damn it looks like an STD! LOL!

Luckily wax syphylis can usually be fixed with a quick blast from the heatgun, but sometimes it means the lil fella is a gonner and he gets re-melted again!!

Yeah umm I'm not sure about this photo ... I don't think Terri was intending to actually SNORT the candle but my phone camera was out and snapped away!!!! LOL

It was a brilliant morning - we got all the willys boxed up and sent out, and had such a right laugh in the meantime!!

I love days when I have company in the workshop - especially when it is unpaid labour from good friends just popping in to say hi!

Ahhh a great day!!! I've had a grin on my face all day!

Bowing to the god that is toothpaste

It seriously worked! My big massive spot is now just nothing more than a mere lil blemish in under two days. It doesn't shout "Hello I am here! Look at me!" anymore!! I am totally gobsmacked that the only thing I put on it was TOOTHPASTE!!

Spread the word! LOL the cosmetic industry has been missing out! Girls - arm yourself with toothpaste! LOL

Toothpaste? Who'da thunk it!!!

So at work today, my friend L comes in and says straight away ...

"Ohh, NICE SPOT"

I reply thanks, as I was particularly proud of this one. Having just got rid of a spot on the corner of my mouth that lasted a week, I was mildly pissed off when this one decided to erupt and ripen into a great big huge mountain from the time I went to bed and the time I woke up today!

Anyway, L says "do you know what's really good for spots?"

"What?????" I drop what I am doing and look at her!

"Toothpaste!!"

I asked her if she was serious and she told me she was deadly serious! Apparently her teenage daughter had imparted this genius piece of information to her and she'd tried it and seen it with her own eyes!

Soooooo! LOL When I got home from work, I dabbed toothpaste (just regular colgate - nothing special) onto my red mountain.

Six hours later .... my huge enormous spot that took over my entire chin is definitely DEFINITELY smaller. It's less red & angry, smaller in size and the huge eruption in the middle has disappeared.

It's crazy. I'll know for sure by the morning, but the amount of money that people spend on spot/acne creams when they have something that does the job already in their bathroom cupboard? LOL

I wish I'd taken a before "photo" now! LOL the difference is incredible.

And the packing monkey did pack!!

After spending two days solidly pouring wax and getting the candles made for orders .... today was a packing and boxing day! I NEED to have a major clean up in the workshop though, god it is a pigsty in there! I've been using a lot of paper shreddings for box packaging - and they are fantastic because it's recycled, saved on bin space and dump trips ... but OMG it gets everywhere!

Okay ... story update ... I've started chapter 4, but last night I did a HUGE re-write of the main scene in chapter three. I did a complete read through and realised that I was missing some details early on ... and as a result I was stuck on some later dialogue. I re-wrote a huge chunk of chapter two and then suddenly it all made sense!

I like those days!!

Easter Sunday and a day off for Dee!!

I was woken up early by the sound of children wanting their easter bunny goodies, so up I got! LOL

I had decided as soon as I'd taken a sip of my first coffee of the day that I wasn't going to go into work. At the end of the day, even *I* deserve a day off and easter sunday is a good one to pick! Funny thing was, I couldn't relax much until it got to about 2-3pm and the sort of time I would be heading back home anyway!

What a fart in a trance I am sometimes!!

On the upside I've actually written most of chapter three of my story over the course of the day ... well, in its first draft anyway. I've still got a lot of "flesh and fluff" to add to it - ie properly write the descriptive content with all of the little details, but for the most part, the bones of it are there.

It's been a day of chocolate and writing ... couldn't have been better!

Ooopsie!!

Well the days kinda got away from me! It's Saturday night already! Well where do I start!

I have got a LOT done over the last couple of days at work and I plan on working Easter Sunday as well as the bank holiday monday and taking full advantage of hub while he is off work!! I am desperate to get things back on an even keel so that orders are literally going out within a couple of days ... then I have to start seriously thinking about working on generating new business.

In the meantime I've been writing! Nothing huge to report except the end of chapter two! LOL Ohh well that and my baby tomato plants have thrip and I have to go nuclear on bug warfare ... but on the upside the lettuces are doing brilliantly!!!

Phew!!

It's Good Friday tomorrow and technically a bank holiday weekend from Friday through Monday which gives me FOUR DAYS to completely catch up on everything ready to dispatch Tuesday next week. I had a really good day at work and got a lot done.

I took a call today from a potential custom scrapbook customer which was brilliant. It really lifted my spirits!

Well, talking of being happy ... I *think* I have just finished the totally new draft of chapter two! The words just poured out of me today and it ... well it just works! I'll re-read it in the cold light of day tomorrow, but it's gooooood!! I'm really REALLY pleased with it and I definitely think it is book-worthy!! I've yet to let anyone else read it though!!! LOL

I love Wednesdays!!

Wednesdays are mid week. It's when I can start to look forward to the weekend, and especially THIS weekend. It's Easter on Sunday, meaning that Friday and Monday are both bank holidays and I do love a 4 day weekend! It gives me such a brilliant opportunity to catch up on absolutely everything at work. By the time I have a pick up on Tuesday morning next week, I will be BANG UP TO DATE! That's a promise to myself and I don't break those!!

Soooo yeah umm writing .... LOL I just deleted about 5000 words from my drafts of chapters 2 & 3! OMG! I was right when I questioned myself last night about whether chapter two would make sense once I have finished chapter one. It doesn't make sense so it's been axed!!

I realised that the reason I have been struggling with the end of chapter one is that because the story has evolved from the original outline simply by writing it ... and chapter two as I had drafted it IS now unnecessary!! There was no way I could tie up the new way that the first chapter was headed with the way that I had planned the second chapter to start!

But I'm happy :-)

Oh crap

Now I am soooooooooooo close to finishing chapter one ... I am starting to wonder whether chapter two makes sense or whether I should just delete it because the reader doesn't REALLY need to know about the main character's ex relationship and what I have already got mapped out for chapter two doesn't make much sense with the way chapter one is ending ... but then again, our past is a vital clue to who we become in the future!!

I promise my "real" writing does actually have proper sentences and proper grammar .... LOL what would I do without being able to ramble here!

I must NOT delete ... I must NOT delete. Okay, I am going to take what I have written for chapter two and save it in a different file and then just see where I go when I hit the end of chapter one! LOL

Writing .... lots!!

This is just a real quick short entry because I HAVE to get back to my writing! OMG its going well. It's going almost too well! My creative juices are definitely flowing and I am pretty much spending most of my "spare" time typing away at it.

I started my "writing project" just over two weeks ago and in that time I currently have ... err ... (just checking) 8559 words. I'm pretty damned impressed seeing as each time I sit down to write, I end up deleting a good several hundred words, re-drafting and re-writing!!

Part of it is driving me mad. I KNOW where my story is going and I know how it is going to end ... I just have never been one for patience and it's almost driving me mad not being able to write the meat of the story yet! I've VERY roughly mapped the first three chapters and am on about my eleventy hundredth re-write of chapter one! LOL

I am pleased as punch with the opening paragraph though ... I used sentences that have been in my brain for such a long time that they needed to be written down and that is kind of the way the whole story has shaped up!

It's funny though ... what was originally going to be the end of chapter one has actually ended up being moved to the start of chapter three and I had to re-write pretty much all of the first chapter! I'd realised on a re-read a few days ago that I wasn't really giving the reader enough background on the main character. I have this horrible habit sometimes of just assuming people know what I am thinking!! In real life it's true (yeah I am that transparent!) but writing is different. The reader only knows what you - the writer allows them to know. It's privileged information

It's weird the way it has worked out, but each time I move or change something it just gets better and inspires me more!!

Okay well, yeah, me and "short" blog entries just don't tend to happen huh!!

Look!!! Lettuce seedlings yay!!

I should have posted this a couple of days ago but I got a little sidetracked then forgot all about it!

I took this photo this morning but the seedlings actually popped a few days ago after just FOUR DAYS! They are now about 10 days old from planting. They are in a double propagator - 24 lil pots either side. I have got a crunchy lettuce blend on the left, and a spicy blend on the right. They are all "cut and come back" varieties and the idea is to plant new seeds every 2 weeks so I am on a rotation - that way I'll always have fresh homegrown lettuce!! The crunchy blend definitely seem to be growing quicker! I'm a proud lettuce mama!! LOL

Monday Mornings .... LOL

The mornings in this house work like a well oiled machine most of the time! In order to have enough time to get everything done, I need to be up and out of bed by 7.15am. I set my alarm for 7am but I snooze it for 15 mins so I feel the benefit of a lie in! LOL Mad but it works!!

So anyway this morning after the kids had finished breakfast and Megan had gone off to get dressed ... I mentally assessed everything left to do

Lunchboxes made ... CHECK!
Me had a shower ... CHECK!
Me looking vaguely respectable to leave the house ... CHECK
Kids brushed teeth ... CHECK
Nathan's uniform in a neat pile ready ... CHECK

All's well. THEN my morning went something like this ...

"Nathan ... Nathan for the fourth time .... get dressed!" (I am pointing to a pile of folded and ready to go school clothes.) Meanwhile Nathan is still spinning around in circles and waving a vacuum cleaner attachment around! (Mental check to self, yes I DID give him his ADHD meds with his breakfast)

"Nathan, I'm not going to ask you anymore. I am going to start TELLING you. Now GET DRESSED!"

"Alright Mummy, no need to shout" says the little voice as he starts putting on his uniform (still spinning around but I disregard that because he is actually getting dressed!)

GRRRR RAAAAHHHH Monday mornings are UGH enough without hassle before we even get to school! LOL Guess what? It didn't stop there! We spent 10 minutes looking for his shoes ... which we eventually found in the shoe cupboard (in my defence his shoes are NEVER in the proper place which is why it was the last place I looked!)

We are just on our way off out of the door when I go to grab his book bag and find that the cat has pi$$ed all over it! DOUBLE GRRRR Luckily it's waterproof, so I bung the contents into a carrier bag, scrawl his name on it and hustle them out of the door!!

We got to school about 30 seconds after the bell had gone ... PHEW!!

Thankfully Monday mornings are now my morning off ... after working all weekend it's nice to just relax for an extra hour alone in the house before I head into the workshop!! What a morning and it's only 9.15am!

How can a good day turn into such a crap one?

I am in a sad mood. I wasn't, sad I mean. Earlier I was actually pretty happy and I'd had a fairly good day ... got lots done at work etc and been productive.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you'll know that just after Christmas I had a "falling out" with someone I am close to. I cant' go into detail on a public blog as to the who and why ... but let's just say after three months I sent this person a letter basically offering an olive branch. I have had "falling outs" with this person before, and no matter who has been at fault, I have always been the one to make the first move at resolution. I'd vowed to myself that this time I would leave it up to this other person ... but after three months and no contact I began to feel like I had just been cut out of this person's life.

Anyway, I was determined to give it ONE LAST SHOT .... I hand delivered a letter yesterday and I know it would have been read by late last night. I checked my phone this morning ... no message. All day I'd been checking my phone ... checking again and no message.

I sent a text message at midday to say that I knew this person would be leaving to go back home (they live a couple hours away and came for a visit, staying with family this weekend) and if they wanted to meet up for a chat then I could meet them before they left.

By the time a reply came through 3.5 hours later, they were already driving back.

I just feel so ... ugh ... I can't describe it. I feel let down. I feel sad, I feel like I am always the one who makes the first move and it's always down to me ... yet even after making all of this effort ... I still end up with nothing other than a heavy heart and tears in my eyes.

This person hadn't even told me that they were coming down this weekend - I found that out through the grapevine. I know that they have been really busy the whole entire weekend, but what would it have taken to send a text message and meet me for just half an hour to make some common ground to start from?

On the upside, the reply that I got was fairly friendly and there is a vague plan to meet up next time they are down... possibly next weekend. Here's hoping - I've missed having this person in my life.

I got a new phone :-)

Very happy Dee today!

I have a brand new mobile phone contract through Orange and a brand new phone! I was actually pretty happy with the phone I had before anyway, but seeing as the upgrade came with a free phone it was silly not to! I went back to Phones 4 U and I have to say, although they were very busy in there and it did take a while to go through everything, they were MORE than helpful. If you are in Worthing and looking to change your phone, definitely go in and see these guys - ask for Johnny or Carla ... and no, I'm not on commission!!

I am now paying exactly the same as I was on my old contract, and they have bought me out of my contract with Vodaphone so it hasn't cost me anything either. Instead of the tarrif I was on before, I now have unlimited texts ... UNLIMITED! LOL and 750 free minutes a month plus free calls to a "magic" number.

Definitely happy Dee!!

After I'd been into Worthing, I went into work and got a fair bit done, so I sit here this evening now with a glass of wine in hand, pizza ordered and I am settling down to do some writing before a planned early night!!!

Well thank fook it's Friday!!!

Gawd I have had a running around lots day today! I realised last night that I had kinda fried my mobile charger lead! I plug it in behind the toaster, and the heat from the toaster had melted the lead! Ooops! So with one blob of battery left, I switched my phone off overnight and went into Worthing this morning to pick up a new one!

I went into Phones 4 U for the charger and got chatting to the woman behind the desk about my phone tarrif ... she called me back a bit later and has offered me a really great deal where they buy out my existing vodaphone contract so it won't cost me anything to move over! I will get free unlimited texts and 750 minutes a month for the same price I was paying before. Chuffed or what! I have to go into Worthing tomorrow morning to set it all up, but that's well worth it!!

So anyway, I pop into a fabby "girlie" shop called "Dollywood" on the way through to get a new nose stud (as I'd lost mine a few days ago) then drove back to work, went to plug my phone charger in ... and realised I'd left it in the shop! GRRRR LOL so after a drive BACK to Worthing and back to work, I finally got my phone charging!!

I did get loads done at work today though so that was worth it! I'll be there all over this weekend too ... I have sooooooooo much to do but busy is good! I want to catch up on the last couple of delayed orders and get everything out mega quick from now on, especially if T is going to be helping me out again regularly!

I'm also working on a redesign of the wholesale site to make it completely different from the retail site ... it's getting there! I started it yesterday and I have just about got the index page sorted - I have to get that almost perfect as I use it as a template for the rest of the pages! LOL

I love Friday evenings ... chillin' in my PJs, slippers and dressing gown with a glass of wine!!

Shannon Matthews found alive!!

What great news to come home from work to!! It's breaking news at the moment, so a lot more details are still to come, but 9 year old Shannon Matthews who disappeared 24 days ago was found alive this afternoon! I dread to think what she went through - she was apparently hidden in the base of a divan bed. How awful.

The news hasn't confirmed that she's "well" as she hasn't been medically checked yet, but what a relief it must be for her family. This story really caught me as Megan is just 9 years old. It's fantastic news... I bet her family are so relieved just to have her back.

Fanfuckingtastic news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend Louise is CANCER FREE!!!! She had an appointment with her consultant today and the news is that the cancer has GONE! Wooohoo!!! Damn when I got her text this afternoon I was literally whoop whooping around the room and punching the air, jumping up and down with happiness!

If ANYBODY deserves this, it's Lou! She has been through so much having already had breast cancer and been free of it for seven years ... then for it to come back - it was just awful, and not to be able to do anything other than just listen to her and be there for her. God, I am grinning like a cheshire cat! It's fantastic news!!!

Normal service yet? Well we're getting there!!!

(Posting from work while I take a quick lunch smoke break and sit down)

This morning almost started with a heart attack of the good kind! I had to get here as early as possible because of the delivery of the new mini hob that I was waiting for! I'd got to the workshop, and grabbed the kettle to go fill it up and get a coffee on the go. I waltzed back through the door in a little world of my own and hadn't even noticed T standing there until she called out a cheery "Good Morning!" LOL I almost fell off my feet!

She'd only popped in for a natter, but ended up helping me out for three hours!!

OMG it was hillarious when the delivery guy arrived! I said to T "It's here, it's here!" and ran towards the delivery guy with my arms out wide and a huge grin on my face. He had a laugh back and wouldn't hand it over, then he almost fell over as he tried to run out of the door with me chasing him! Haaaahahaha so yeah that put a big smile on my face! Houston we can melt wax again! LOL

It's been a really good morning - I showed T how to make the flip flop floating candles and she was well away! Hahaa anyway that's my coffee finished, so back to pouring a LOT of wax this afternoon!!

OMG what did I JUST say about normal service being resumed??

OMG I don't believe this ... I totally believe this ... it's ME after all! If it is bound to go wrong ... then it WILL go wrong!! That's just the way it goes!

So I had literally JUST posted from the workshop that normal service was resumed after the BT / internet fiasco and finally had my internet connection up and running again. I'd sat down at the computer for a quick lunch break (ok coffee and smoke!) and meanwhile turned on my mini hobs to get them up to temperature and melt some leftover wax that I had in a jug.

I went back into the pouring room after I'd finished my coffee and my bloody heat source had DIED! Not just dead but beyond dead. Damnit! I use a big melter to actually melt my wax, then I keep it at temperature on one of these (as in the photo) while I prep the moulds etc before I pour. Without this heat source, there is no WAY I can make candles - the wax needs to be at a specific temperature to pour it ... so yet again I am going to be BEHIND on my orders. I've been in a highly motivated mood all morning too - and thankfully I did get SOME things made before it died ... but I was planning on being there today until literally 3pm when I have to pick the children up from school!

Unfortunately ... by 12.30 this afternoon I was on my way home because there was literally nothing to do without heat for the wax!! I've ordered a new one that will be here by 10.30am tomorrow ... and meanwhile I'm sat at home! It may sound great to some, but I'd actually rather be working right now! I was so in the mood to get tons of orders cleared ready to pack up tomorrow!! Instead I will do some work on the catalogues and the redesign of the price lists for the summer, maybe design some new wedding labels. *sigh*

So ummm "Normal Service" hopefully will actually be back just after 10.30am tomorrow morning when I get my delivery!!

BT more GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

LOL well I almost laughed when I got into work this morning and surprise surprise ... no internet connection!! Thankfully it was fixed relatively easily by me first throwing a stress fit and almost throwing the damn thing out of the window before calmly removing all leads from the router and rebooting.

Normal service is once again resumed!

My daughter wants a boyfriend????

Well she IS gorgeous isn't she! I mean of course I am biased, but I would defy any guy in the future NOT to fall in love with this adorable face, that gorgeous smile, and those eyes!! Not to mention the fact that her laugh is totally infectious!!!!

But she's nine years old (okay nearly 10) and I am talking like WAAAY in the future when she's 30! LOL

I got a call from my sister in law Leanne this evening who was on MSN and chatting to Megan, and apparently Megan's MSN message next to her name was "I want a boyfriend" ... I got a phone call from Leanne right away!!! Sorry Megan but there ARE spies out there! Leanne wasn't "concerned" but obviously thought I should know!

Anyway, I went in a while later and had a chat with Megan because although I am her mum, I want her to know that I am always there for her no matter what! I try to drum into the pair of them that it doesn't matter WHAT you have done or how much trouble you think you are going to be in ... because if you come to me, or your dad, or your nan, or any other adult you trust and say to them "I have a problem - I've done something wrong and I need help" then you will never be in half as much trouble as you would be in for lying.

I had a quick chat with her about her MSN message but kept the chat very cool and aloof and didn't probe her too much. Megan is a sensible girl - I know that and I do give that girl the credit she deserves because she is a credit to me! I am so proud of the young woman (!) she is becoming.

I think part of the reason why that whole thing struck me so much is because I am now old enough to have a daughter who is thinking about boyfriends! OMG! Crikey she'd kill me if she knew I was posting this, but her whole body shape is changing and she is definitely starting to come close to puberty.

It's such a strange position to find myself in though! I am only 32, so I don't consider myself old by ANY standard, but yet I am old enough to have a daughter who is starting to think about this stuff!! God I hope we stay close I really do! I didn't talk to my mum much as I grew up. I got into trouble and dealt with it all myself through my teenage years and knowing the great relationship I have with my mum now - I couldn't imagine NOT telling her anything now!!

It's hard because you HAVE to give them a certain degree of freedom whilst still retaining that element of control. You have to trust your child and know that you have brought them up to the best of your ability and installed moral values into them... yet at the same time you worry for them so much!!

After having two miscarriages before I fell pregnant with Megan ... I thought at first that the worry would end when the baby was born ... then I realised that once you get through the birth with a healthy baby, you have to worry about cot death in the first few months - then once they start crawling and walking you worry they will crash into something ... you think it will end eventually but it doesn't! The worry doesn't EVER stop!

I know that she has to make her OWN mistakes and learn her own lessons in life, but god it's hard to watch!!! I want to be a supportive and encouraging Mum - someone that is always there for her cheering from the sidelines no matter what, but one who also knows when to back off!!

God help me when Nathan starts going through this! I wonder which one I will end up feeling more protective over ... LOL oh the joys of parenthood!

BT are crap (oh and some other stuff!)

Today was a GOOD day! My friend T popped in for a chat at work and naturally got roped into helping me wick and package a huuuuuge enormous pile of votives while we nattered! I had to wait for the delivery of boxes to arrive before I could actually send anything out, but I am pleased to say that the boxes arrived just after lunchtime, so by the time I left today I'd got around 95% of the delayed orders dispatched so there will be lots of happy customers tomorrow!!

I HATE delaying orders for any reason whatsoever ... it is just unfortunate that recent circumstances over the last couple of weeks have meant it's been unavoidable. Still, I got a LOT done today and certainly by this weekend I will be totally caught up again. Plus, having T's help was fabulous ~ even if it was just for an hour! Bless her heart! T is getting married soon and of course I'll be doing her wedding favours and table decorations! She was excitedly telling me all her plans and it really put a smile on my face to see hers lit up so much! I've never met her fiance, but they used to be together years ago and even though they both moved on and met other people ... they got back in touch again and it was like the love that was always meant to be!

Soooo okay yeah the whole BT are crap bit (well they ARE!!!) UGH the problems I've had with them recently are a whole other story, but basically after resolving the latest problem, I had my account set up on direct debit to try to avoid any future problems. Guess what? It didn't work!

When I was in the workshop on Sunday, part way through the afternoon my internet connection dropped out. I did what I would usually do - check the leads to make sure I haven't accidentally kicked something out of place under the desk ... nope, all fine. Rebooted the computer and rebooted the router ... still no internet connection.

I phoned the BT status update helpline and found that they were having trouble, so thought nothing of it and figured I would wait until Monday. Come Monday I still have no internet connection ... the status helpline says that they are still experiencing technical difficulties, so I GRRRR quietly ... print off the overnight orders at home and take into work with me today. Guess what?

Still no internet connection! I decide enough is enough and I call the tech support helpline to make sure there isn't any other reason. After 20 minutes on hold I get through and am told that my account has been suspended!! DO WHAT? I resist screaming down the phone at the poor unsuspecting operator, but still I am quietly fuming. I am told he has to put me through to billing.

Sooooo after another gawd knows how long on hold, I get through to billing where I'm told that my account is showing as suspended but is definitely active and he even confirmed that they had my correct bank details and that there were no problems with the account!! Yeah right, so WHY DON'T I HAVE A FRIGGING INTERNET CONNECTION????? Seriously - I run an internet based business. If I have no internet connection then I am losing money when things are already slightly delayed anyway! It's NOT GOOD! Well he was no help whatsoever ... his exact words at one point were "there's a screen we can check when accounts are showing inactive which tells us whether they ARE active or not, and yours is active." Ok it may not be verbatim but that was what he was saying.

Billing bloke says I have to go back to tech support because my account is active and is nothing to do with them. After even more time on hold I get back through to tech support who say "what? your account is showing as active and just fine - have you rebooted?"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Have I rebooted?? FFS, I'm not a frigging computer newbie. I know damned well that as I refreshed the browser and it went from an error page to my google homepage that someone there in their little office at BT had pressed a little button that fixed it.

DOUBLE GRRRRRRRRRRR

Anyway!!! After taking full advantage of hub working from home and popping in on a friend for a natter on the way home .... it turned out to be not a bad day after all!

Wax, Work & Weather!!

... well I always did say I was eclectic hence the subject line! My days are never simple!

Ok well I am definitely hooked. I planted my lettuce seeds today too! As the seedlings in the propagator had been moved onto pots, it was just crying out to be filled up again! I've got the "cut and come again" type seeds - the idea is to sew new seeds every few weeks so it becomes a rotational constant crop. I've got a mix of crunchy and spicy lettuces and I just mixed all the seeds up together to see what I come up with! LOL

Work was tough today! I had so much to do and where I'd been in and out last week due to "circumstances", I had almost completely ran out of packing boxes, so had to get an urgent order in for those! I spent most of the weekend pouring stock votives and bulk dozens of votives and there were ummm 28 dozen votives to wick! I timed myself once and from putting the wick in the votive, putting it in the bag, taping the bag up and labelling, it takes an average of 6 minutes per dozen ... that would be 168 minutes of solid votive packaging! I didn't fancy spending over two hours stood up at work doing it, so I spent the time at work doing other things and then brought all the wicking home! I've sat here this evening with a glass of wine and done ALL the wicking while listening to some tunes!

Yeah baby I rock! LOL

Took a call this afternoon from South Downs College (http://www.southdowns.ac.uk/) about a 2 day event they are running for May bank holiday on the Sunday and Monday. Sooo I'm definitely going to book that one! I've already spoken to Megan about coming along as my chief sales executive - the conversation went something like this.

ME - I've got a 2 day show booked for the 25th & 26th May, do you fancy coming with me?
MEGAN - 2 days? Oooh I've not done one of those before. How many hours is that?
ME - Well, it's 10-5 on the Sunday which is 7 hours, then 10-4 on the Monday, so that's 6 hours.

I could see the steam escaping from her ears as she did the calculation in her head! Megan LOVES coming with me just for fun and for Mum & Megan time, but I pay her a pound an hour (c'mon she's only nine!!!) plus I give her five pounds to spend on anything she wants while she's there... and invariably I get talked into upping that and buying slices of cake too! LOL

MEGAN - That's 13 hours. Does that mean I get 13 pounds?
ME - Yes baby that's the deal - a pound an hour.
MEGAN - Plus my five pounds to spend?
ME - Uhuh
MEGAN (punching the air and whoop whooping around the room)

That's my girl! HAH!

So yeah the weather ... god last night I could really hear the wind and rain against my bedroom windows! My bedroom is a loft conversion in a bungalow so you're pretty exposed up there! It's normally a really warm room and I always ALWAYS sleep with the window open, so when the storm started last night I heard it all! It wasn't a big storm by any means and the fences were still standing, but it was good to be tucked up safe in bed listening to the wind and rain battering against the windows. We're apparently in for bad weather for the next few days ... bring on the sun!!

Happy little seedlings!!

I repotted my seedlings into their first pots! Last year I grew my tomatoes and herbs from baby plants and this year I was determined to try growing from seed so it's a complete learning curve for me but I am thoroughly enjoying it!

The pic shows my tomatoes (orange pots) and aubergines (black pots) I need to get some little plant label thingies, but meanwhile they are just colour coded! LOL

I was a bit disappointed by the roots on them all though. I can only put it down to the compost I used in the propagator. I had been so excited when I got the seeds and I used compost that I had left from last year. I've learned a LOT about gardening recently from a few friends of mine that are very into it - one of my friends is lucky enough to have her own allotment so she's a great source of advice!

I was recommended the compost shown in the photo by another friend of mine, and as soon as I opened the bag I just KNEW it was gonna be good stuff! It has extra perlite and already has food in it for 4-6 weeks which is brilliant. So yes, my baby cherry tomato plants and baby aubergine plants are officially on their way!!

Night Sweats

Okay I have to blog about this because it might be important...

I've had the most awful night sweats for the last couple of nights where I have literally woken up with my PJs drenched. I wear a pair of cotton shorts and a vest t-shirt in bed normally, but even sleeping completely naked last night didn't make a difference. When I woke up in the middle of night I had to turn my pillow over because it was so wet with sweat, and then this morning I had to completely fix my sheet because it was all twisted somehow.

Even though I feel like I slept well because of my extra sleep in the mornings over this weekend, I know I had very disturbed nights from the state of the bed in the morning!

It's scary. I did a google search for "night sweats" and the first thing I came up with was symptoms of the menopause! Menopause doesn't usually hit until a woman is in her 40s, but I haven't actually had a period in a couple of months ... and I AM 33 this year! I'm not panicking about menopause seriously or anything, but I haven't actually had a period in a couple of months now ... and no I'm not pregnant LOL just trust me on that one!

Anyway, for whatever reason, I've been sweating a LOT at night. The heating isn't on overnight, I only wear shorts and a vest in bed and I always sleep with a window open. Even with that, my nights have been really disturbed. I wonder whether it's to do with my happy pills ... I had the dose increased recently and increased sweating is a listed side effect. I guess I've been on the higher dose for around a month or so, and that's roughly how long it can take for it to kick in, so maybe it's a part of it ...

Either way, there's something just not quite right about being a woman and not having a period every month, especially as I have been feeling so goddamned broody recently! I even did a pregnancy test last month just to check for sure ... and for that minute until the result showed up, I thought about how I would cope with a new baby, how life would change but how great it would be.

The test was negative.

I can't explain it! I suppose I always saw myself with three children and with things the way they are, there's no way of me ever having another baby. Don't get me wrong, I love Megan and Nathan with everything that I am and I wouldn't change them for the world ... there's just something inside me that is so very aware of how my body clock is ticking and that I am getting closer and closer to 35...

*sigh*

I should just get a puppy or something!

Easy like Sunday mornings .....

I've had another really good day today too! I allowed myself the luxury of another lay in and then headed into the workshop for mid-morning. I don't know whether it was the 4 cups of coffee I'd had before I left, but I got an absolute metric fu*k load done today too! All the prep I did yesterday has been poured, I've made all the votives I need for stock boxes in the stock room, made some hurricane candles AND finished off a wholesale order.

I'm actually completely OUT of packing boxes - hopefully those will arrive tomorrow, so in the meantime I have been through all of the completed orders, packaged it all and put each order together so that all I need to do is literally bubble wrap and box it when my boxes arrive.

Had dinner at mum's tonight and Nathan surprised us all by being so well behaved! He didn't eat much (he never does when it is "proper" food as opposed to sausages/scampi/nuggets & chips!) but he sat properly, used his knife and fork and was polite! He even cleared the table without being asked! I know .... shocking!! Needless to say he got lots of praise!!

It's 7pm now and my plan is to get the kids in bed, go get comfy on my own bed and settle down to do some writing!

What a great weekend it's been!!

Crikey what a difference a day makes!!!

Well I have had an absolutely BLINDING day today! For starters I didn’t wake up until 10.30 which almost NEVER happens! I rarely get to sleep in these days because of getting the kids ready for school, get me ready to go into the workshop and then the usual Monday-Friday normality etc. life is so hectic!

So yeah, I had a really good night’s sleep last night and woke up when my body clock said I should instead of the time that the alarm clock screeches at me! It made such a difference to how I felt this morning and unlike yesterday where it was a bad day from the minute I got out of bed … today was a good day right from the start! I didn’t actually get into the workshop until 11.30, but I was able to be there ALL day and I got caught up on a lot of the “nitty gritty” fiddly orders. I replied to all the emails that had built up, called a few customers with queries on their orders … and did a LOT of prep ready to pour everything tomorrow.

Definitely a good day today :-)

Friday Five - March 7th

Ooooh I'm going to like this one!

What is your keyring like? Full up! I have (hang on I gotta count em up!) 8 separate keys for work! One for the main downstairs door, one for my understairs storage cupboard, one for each of two stairwells, plus the main workshop and two locked doors within the workshop, plus the security gate outside! I also have a front door & back door key to my house, plus a car key and umm spare keys to my mother's house! Yeah, full up is a good way to describe my keyring!

What is your bag like? My handbag is the most perfect bag in the world. It is dark brown and around 10" square with a long adjustable strap that I wear across my shoulder most of the time. It has a zip up pocket on the front for my "looseables" and another zip up pocket plus compartments inside. It is the perfect size to take my purse, keys, phone and other assorted "clutter" that I carry around with room to spare without being TOO big! Before that, I had a massive bag and carried the weight of the world around with me! LOL

What is your purse like? Pretty boring really. It's plain black with a coin purse on one side and a wallet for notes & cards in the other. Pretty standard really!

What is your mousepad like? I have a laptop so I don't use a mousepad!

What are the curtains in your bedroom like? Ummm floor length and lilac - that's about all the description I can give really!!

Miss Megan or Lil Miss Congeniality? LOL

Okay so a lil while ago I blogged about how I installed MSN messenger on my dear daughter Miss Megan's computer ... OMG she just made me laugh SO much I just HAD to write about it straight away (seeing as I am sat here on my laptop working on catalogues anyway)!

So, it's 8.50pm on Friday night (the children are allowed to stay up later on the weekends. She's in her bedroom chatting to her school friends on MSN (her friends list is strictly monitored!) and she comes into the lounge where I'm sat with my laptop ... and she looked at my MSN friends list and laughed as she said "I've got WAAAAY more friends on my friends list than you!"

Photo taken around 8.53pm this evening! LOL When I went in she had a chat room with four of her friends, plus two private chat windows ... PLUS a window chatting to me! Yeah she MSNs me from her bedroom even though we live in a bungalow and her bedroom is right opposite the lounge!

Ahhh technology!

An unbelievable day!

I got into the workshop this morning and knew even before I had put the key in the door that it wouldn’t be a good day! You know those days where you wake up with an unshakeable feeling of doom for no real reason?? You don’t get those days? Lucky you!

Grrrr ROAR

I can’t actually blog about what has got me down over the last few days because it’s private, but it has resulted in me not being fully in the workshop recently. As a result I am probably running a few days behind, but hadn’t overly worried knowing that other things needed to be put first (just for a couple of days) and that I would be going in over the weekend to catch up on everything then.

I switched the wax on, turned on the computer and had a look at the emails from the last couple of days, and there was one particular customer who has sent … I believe it was 24 emails I counted from this one person over the last couple of days since I’ve been into the workshop! The FIRST email wasn’t even a “can you confirm when my order was dispatched” type email – it launched straight into a personal attack on me! The emails that followed described how he hadn't had any faith in me even when he placed the order because of the long lead time (yes it sometimes takes 7-10 days to pour and dispatch larger orders, and occasionally we run a bit behind) . His emails were large bold type face and got progressively ruder. Some were literally the same email he was sending and forwarding to me every 10 minutes or so.

Thing was, this customer’s order was actually sent out the very next working day after it was received and what I SHOULD have done is sent a short and to the point reply stating that it has been dispatched and as it went out via Royal Mail he should contact his local post office to see if it had been left there. It was actually about 3 weeks ago that this box went out anyway so chances are it HAS been lost, but still.

His emails then got very spiteful and it totally became about a personal attack on me! He had obviously found my blog because he was quoting me from it on the Friday where I chose to take the day off and go out with my camera (that happened to be the day his order came in!) He had a go at me for taking the day off on that Friday and snapping photos when I should have been making his candles! He said I obviously had too many fingers in too many pies! How dare he?! I work HARD! I put a LOT into my business and trying to keep my customers happy, and simply because I choose to have HOBBIES outside of my “job” and because I happen to keep an online journal I am failing my customers now?

I work seven days a week most of the time and am in the workshop over the weekends. Am I WRONG for taking a day off every now and again? A little indulgence in some “me time” or one of my hobbies? Hell no!

So I was polite, but I let him know how I felt. He won’t be ordering again! I simply don’t have time for small minded people with big mouths… business or no business! It’s down to respect for other human beings!!

I shouldn’t have had to justify anything to him though – that’s the point. I spent a good half an hour replying to him … and it’s THAT which puts me behind!!! If he’d called sooner to let me know that there had been a problem – I would have looked into it sooner! I will ALWAYS fix problems for customers … but I can only fix things when I know they exist!!!!

Okay vent over.

The day actually took a turn for the better when I got a call from my friend T this afternoon... she'd worked for me off and on in the past helping out, and we'd been really good friends, but gradually lost touch.

It was SO out of the blue ... today of ALL days ... I got a call from her!!! It was bloody fantastic to talk to her! The bizarre thing was though ... I had not long left the workshop and just sat down when she rang ... she was calling FROM the workshop and I'd left the door unlocked!!

Talk about timing ... we haven't spoken properly or seen each other for about 9-10 months and then for her simply think "I'm going to go and visit Dee today" all out of the blue and turn up on the doorstep the only time I have ever forgotten to lock the door! Bizarre co-incidence!!!

It was great - we came back to my place for a cuppa and a natter, and had a really good catch up. It was just what I needed!!

A book in all of us??

Well so they say! Or someone said ... well I can just remember hearing somewhere that there is apparently a book in all of us.

I actually wrote one before ... a proper book I mean! I was about 14 and it started as a short story of around 15,000 words ... quite a profound story one about a girl whose mother died, whose father turned to alcohol and she ended up responsible for her younger brother and sister while her father recovered. I gave it to my mum to read, and at the end she was desperate to know what happened next! Sooo I sat there with my BBC computer (yeah those were the days!) and a very basic word processing program back then ... and I turned it into a novel. I remember it was around 40,000 words I ended up churning out!

That was the problem though - it was churned out. It was only ever really meant to be a short story or maybe a novelette (25,000 words or so and in retrospect I knew even at the time that it could have been elaborated on more!) I know that in retrospect now, but at the time, the young excited me sent it off to loads of publishers .... and then actually FILED my rejection letters in a folder! LOL

I've lost all the files now - which is a real shame really, but over the years, the times I have moved and the way technology has moved on (back when floppy discs were actually floppy!!) the files just got lost too.

Thing is, I've actually started writing again. It's not like I haven't ever written anything since ... heck I blog almost every day! LOL and I write lots of "articles" ... mainly about candlemaking, but about other stuff too and I've always been called the wordy one!!

I don't want to say too much about it because it's a little bit scary really! It's almost like admitting that I have officially actually started something that I think could actually be publishable!! It's good too ... very obviously rough draft, but it's pretty good. In the 3 days since I started it, I've already re-arranged and re-organised most of the first page to really come up with a stonker of an opener and re-written everything I've done so far about six times!!

When I sat down to write this afternoon when the kids were home from school, fed watered and ensconced in their bedrooms ... I had something like 5,000 words and had a basic structure for chapters 1, 2 and 3 although the main writing part still needed to be done.

Well, this afternoon I actually DELETED 2,604 words simply because I decided the scene didn't work!!!! I then deleted most of my chapter outlines for Chs 2 and 3 as it wasn't working and then concentrated on chapter one!

Okay I didn't actually fully delete them - I copied and pasted everything I took out into another document for "future reference!"

A book in all of us ... and you should write about what you know... Crikey I'd be arrested if I were that honest!! Sooo what I've started writing is a novel loosely based around me as the main character (funny that eh) but with LOTS of fiction interspersed with real actual events... but it IS going to be mainly fiction to protect the innocent!

The funny thing is though ... with the way my private and personal life is actually going, I don't actually know the end of the book myself yet. The ending of my own personal story will go one of two very distinct ways ... and as of yet, I still don't know which way that will be.

I will never forget the letter I got from Penguin books when the 14 year old me excitedly sent off the printed manuscripts! This letter from the Penguin Books editor was a personal one rather than a generic "thank you but blah blah" letter I got from most of them which is why I will always remember it. It said "You write as if you know the characters intricately, but you never do truly allow the reader into their personalities." I've been thinking about that all day today and I think it's why I re-hashed it so many times.

I also realised that the reasons I re-wrote and re-hashed it all so many times over the last couple of days is because I was trying to write it in the third person and I can't do that. Although it is ending up being a lot more fiction than fact, it IS my story and it needed to be written in the first person! As soon as I had figured that out, it all just started to flow!

I started to put together a rough outline in my private hand written journal (stashed somewhere it will NEVER be found!) of where things started for me, where it went from then, how I felt at each stage ... then before I knew it, I realised that THIS was my story outline.

See, I've no idea whether I will EVER do anything with this story! I know that I have more than enough to start writing it properly, and hopefully as the writing draws to a natural conclusion, I will know in my heart which way it needs to go for my characters to achieve happiness/closure. I am half hoping that once I know what my characters need ... I will know what *I* need.

Well heck it makes sense in my head anyway!

I may keep it purely personal and treat it as a personal diary never to be read by anybody else's eyes and my final closure on a very unexpected journey in my private life.

Whichever way it goes, I've been truly happy today because I've been writing again and it feels really good! In the shower this morning I had to get out mid shampoo and type a fabulous sentence out before I forgot it! Yeah the naked writer! LOL maybe I need to start a new blog! HAH!

See, this is precisely why I ALWAYS have a small notepad and at least a couple of pens at the bottom of my handbag and why I feel totally naked without my bag! Inspiration strikes at the weirdest times! Ooooh crikey ... major flashback!! I can remember when I was about 14 and trying to turn my short story into

Anyway ... although I love waffling here (yeah okay I've been drinking and smoking but I feel the most creative and inspired after just a couple glasses of wine!) so I'm back off to let my fingers go a walkin' on my outline and see where my story ends up!

OMG Look!!!!

Ohhh this plant mama is soooo happy!!! On top of my haircut earlier and my self confidence boost that I posted about below ... I've just checked on my seedlings and yeah baby we are growing!!!!

Look at my cherry tomato plants! They are doing really well if you compare them to the photo I posted before when they had just popped up! They are probably okay in the propagator for another week or so, but I'm going to get them into pots this weekend. I still think we're due another frost so they will live in the conservatory after that until they are nicely rooted into their new pots

THEN .... I looked at the aubergine seedlings! I had all but given up on them until a few days ago because they were planted 3 weeks ago and the packet says germination in 10-14 days. The tomatoes had all popped up and were growing away happily (planted at the same time with the same germination guidelines!) I was ready to dump out the soil, call it a failure and get some salad leaves planted in the propagator instead!! I thought I'd leave it a few more days "just to see" and I'm glad I did!

Five out of six ... and the fifth one (bottom left) definitely wasn't there this morning!) These are mini aubergines that will produce (fingers crossed!!) golf ball sized aubergines that are perfect to stirfry and add to - well pretty much anything!

I am growing totally organically too. I haven't looked much into feeds for my plants yet ... last year I grew my tomatoes and all of my herbs from existing baby plants and didn't add ANY feed to anything! It all grew okay! I hadn't wanted to spend out on gardening until I knew it was something I was really interested in.

Now though I'm totally hooked!! I loved cooking with things I had grown and the taste was SO much nicer too! I want to do most of it from seed this year and really really go for it! I need more propagators and I need a polytunnel!

LOL the littlest things with me sometimes!!

A fabby haircut and a self confidence boost ... in one day!!!

My hair has NEEDED cutting for a long time now ... it's been well over a year since I last had it "trimmed" and also because I use my GHD straighteners almost every day the ends of my hair were split and in bad shape.

Trouble is, it is sooooo hard to fit it in and find the time at the same time I have the spare cash to pay for it! I refuse to go get a cheap bad haircut! I am not vain, but there are things a girl shouldn't compromise on, and those rare times of pampering should be fully taken advantage of! I didn't spend a ridiculous fortune though - I'm not a fool! I went to a local salon that I've been to before where the same girl cut my hair again today. It wasn't cheap, but it wasn't expensive either!!

I'd also kinda been tired of just having flat straight blonde hair!! I wanted to be able to put some ooomph in it when I want to!

Before & After!!

Wow it's taking some getting used to!! I've had a good 4" taken off the length so it is only just below my shoulders, and she put new shorter layers in so that I can blow dry it with a round brush to give it volume and "ooomph" when I want to!

Ohh yeah ... and I have a FRINGE again!!! I'm soooo happy with it ... it took me YEARS to grow my fringe out when I was younger, but I went in there determined to have one put back today! LOL

Wow, I almost forgot to mention this bit! We were chatting - as hairdresser and client do while she's snipping away ... and I forget what the conversation was even about, but I said about how I'd lost a few pounds weight recently and wasn't "trying" to lose more weight, but if I did then it would be a bonus.... and her reply was "but you're tiny" ....

Now see, I have been called a LOT of things in my life, but TINY sure as heck aint one of them! LOL I half sniggered in my chair and she couldn't believe I was saying I could do with losing a few pounds!

It made me feel terrific I must admit, plus she did a great job on my haircut! Whaddya think?

I'm not an alcoholic - I'm a drunk! Alcoholics go to meetings!!!

Just watched something interesting on TV called "Mummy Stop Drinking." I thought I'd watch it as it's pretty topical to the post I made this morning about how I should NEVER blog when I have been drinking!

It was definitely interesting. It followed three mums who were filmed by their kids about how much she was drinking. One of the women drank half a bottle of wine a day (in the evening) and SHE had a borderline dependance on alcohol! It made me think about how much *I* am drinking and it's definitely more than I should be!!

Apparently, for a woman it is okay units wise to have ONE glass of wine a night OR 2-3 glasses a couple of times a week.

Fuck I drink WAY more than that.

I've been talking to my girlfriends though and they all drink around the same amount I do, so either we are ALL alcoholics or there is something seriously wrong with the "recommended" amounts over the "realistic" ones!

I could easily put a bottle of wine a night away ... easily. I drink rose wine (white zinfandel which is actually pink! LOL) and it is SOOO easy to drink because it's refreshing and fruity. I probably drink 4 GOOD full up glasses of wine a night ... but I DO have nights where I choose consciously not to drink.

I think the fact that I have an awareness about my drinking habits and alcohol intake is a good thing! Alcohol doesn't currently interfere with my life in any way, and I don't EVER feel I need a drink in the mornings! It is something that is reserved purely for the evenings once the children are in bed. I think once it gets to the point where it is having an effect on your daily life and stopping you from getting things done ... THEN it is a problem!

Thing is ... are you capable of realising you have a problem BEFORE it becomes a problem?

I think I just need to make sure I have a couple of nights a week where I don't drink anything at all ... to prove a point! LOL nothing to do with overcompensating on the other five nights! HAH!

Okay, going to bed now! LOL It's gone midnight now and I am shattered!!!

Don't drink and blog! LOL

LOL yeah reading the post I made last night, that's definitely one of the best ideas I have had in a while! I really shouldn't ever allow myself near my blog when I am drinking and feeling melancholy! Gawd yesterday was a depressing post eh!

Today is going to be better!!! I have an event tonight at a place called The River Club in Surrey ... http://www.theriverclub.info/ - it was booked fairly short notice last week but I spoke and confirmed with them yesterday and we are all on! Their website looks amazing and it's a pretty exclusive club in a good area, so it will all depend on people through the door!

I have to be on the road by about 4-4.15pm to allow for traffic ... so it will be a LATE one for me tonight and around a 3 hour round trip! Let's just hope I make more than pennies tonight!!

I'm an awful person ...

In short .... (because I have been drinking and intend this to be a short blog entry but heck you never know with me!)

My show on Saturday was SHIT. It wasn't even worth getting out of bed for. The only thing that made it worth it was having Megan there to talk to! It really was a pile of crap. The ONLY lining in the cloud was that the table cost was 10& of sales! I showed the organiser my sales totals at the end of the day and I handed over £3.70. Yeah, it was THAT BAD!! Hardly anyone through the door!! I was so pissed off it was untrue!!!

On the upside, Sunday was Mothers Day and I did have a lovely wakeup when two children bounced on me around 7am with gifts!! Megan made me a lovely notebook holder covered in glitter (with a heart notepad) at Brownies, and Nathan made me a card and a photo frame at Beavers last week. It was truly lovely because their dad didn't have to take them out to BUY me something ... it was handmade from the heart :-D

I've had a bit of a sad and melancholy day today that I really can't blog about in public and part of that annoys the CRAP out of me! I know there are quite a few people who do read this blog regularly (yeah I know who all three of you are! LOL), and there are some things that I can't say in public.

All I can really say is that I reached a decision today that broke my heart to do. It's a purely personal thing and nothing to do with work (although I have been thinking about that too!) ... but this decision has been a long time coming. It's been really HARD for me recently as I have felt stuck between a rock and a hard place ... and today, although it cut me to the core and hurt me immensely ... I made the choice.

That's all I can say about it online really!

If you are one of the three people I have mentioned (my closest friends and I love you guys!) then you will know what I am talking about! The rest of you will just have to guess because my lips are sealed!

Meanwhile ... the conscious decision I made yesterday (Sunday eve) not to drink on a Mon, Tues or Weds eve flew straight out of the window tonight when hub brought home a box of wine after he'd walked the dog. I think he could just tell I needed it even though I couldn't honestly tell him why...

I wish I could go into more detail here because I am in the mood to waffle (yeah 4th glass of wine!) but I can't. I will say that the alcohol ended up being a very good idea because I am pretty numb right now.

And thank FUCK for spell check!!

I just feel bad for so many reasons right now. It's been a truly bad day - certainly the worst on record for at least a year!!

Ok, so mebbe that wasn't so short ... so sue me!