Half naked cleaning & candle parties!

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet today because I am exhausted!! I went into work early for a Saturday to do some work before a candle party at 3.30pm this afternoon... and I found myself on a cleaning & re-arranging mission!! It was soooooo warm in there and I was worried about getting myself all dirty before the party!

Anyhoo, the ONLY thing to do was to strip right down so I was literally just wearing my 3/4 length trousers and my bra while I packed up some orders! Thankfully I'm on the top floor so nobody can see in through the windows! LOL! I had the music blaring and got so thoroughly into my semi-naked cleaning at the workshop that I left a bit late for the party and only just made it on time! Oooops!

So meanwhile it's just after 9pm and I am knackered!! That's the trouble with working HARD late in the afternoon ... it finishes me off for the rest of the day! Methinks a bath and an early night is in order!!

If it doesn't move ... tidy it up!

Seeing as I took the day "off" yesterday with Nathan at home for "Insect Day", I spent most of the day in the workshop today. I'm pretty pleased with my progress too ...

A huge part of what I have been doing has been about sorting out and re-arranging the stock room so that I can easily see at a glance exactly what stock I have got. I keep my votive stock in these nifty baskets and there's around 18 in each basket so that when I get orders that are "1 of this, 2 of that" for votives, all I need to do is go into the stock room and they are all there laid out ready. It also means that when customers come to pick up orders, they can browse and buy more stuff while they are there!! I have been trying to work on getting every single fragrance that I have into votives and ready on display in the stock room. I have over 100 scents so it's not an easy task!!

This is what WILL eventually be my new office and what USED to be the "rubbish room!" It has turned out a bit more complicated than planned to get my old antiquated office PC wireless so I need to either buy some really long cables or buy a new PC! LOL Both can wait - it's not essential for now, and in the meantime this is my chill-out room where I can actually sit down and take a proper break!!! This room is opposite the stock room so it will be perfect to take customers into the stock room, then sit down in my office while I prepare their invoices!!

And that's how I spent my day today!!!

A week hardly worthy of note!!!

LOL well it's true! It's been pretty much a "non week" really. I was a bit unwell at the start of this week .... not "ill" - just wasn't feeling right and had a few cold type symptoms that had me feeling under the weather. I guess it made me just kinda un-motivated and a bit crappy really! LOL

Orders at work have been slow but still coming in at the moment, and considering a recent stock market crash in the USA and talk of recession very much over the news ... I'm still fairly confident that things are going okay!

I have organised a new accountant as well. They are coming in on Tuesday next week to look things over and hopefully I can just hand over my boxes of paperwork and they will get me all nicely up to date!! That will actually then be the LAST thing off of my worry list when the tax man is off my back!

Talking of my worry list -- I have noticed that some of my stress symptoms are coming back again ... the "bubbling" in the pit of my stomach and the way it starts to rush all the way throughout my body. I CAN control it though, and I'm sure that's down to my happy pills! As soon as I feel it start, I am aware of it and I can control it until it reduces and fades away. This is a very good thing!

Today (Friday) is an inset day at school - Nathan made me laugh hysterically when he called it "insect day!" LOL .... visions of creepy crawlies and bugs! We did agree that it should forever more be called insect day though! LOL

I've taken the day off work as hub is in London and the kids are off school with "insect day" .... soooo I am in the middle of a mass house clean - Dee always feels better when she lives in a shiny sparkly world! :-)

Where do all the hours go?????????

You know those times when you look at the clock and think "ahhh fabulous, I have five minutes to myself ...." Then, before you know it, an hour has passed! WHAT HAPPENED to those other fifty five minutes? Where did they go? It only felt like five!!

I've had two full on days like that so far this week and ooops it's only Tuesday!

When I got into work on Monday, I looked through the door at what has affectionately been termed (by me!) as "the rubbish room" and decided that enough is enough ... time to actually get off my arse and get rid of it all!! It's my fault - I haven't stayed on top of it and instead of doing a dump run once every couple of weeks and clearing out ALL the rubbish ... nooo, Dee decided to stash it all in an unused room and worry about it "eventually."

Well - yesterday was eventually!! I wish I'd taken a "before" pic because it's not a huge room - but easily a single bedroom size and it was FULL and I mean FULL of rubbish to the point you couldn't even get in the door, and it was piled up too.

I did three dump runs yesterday and another two today - I am absolutely knucking fackered but I feel really smug and chuffed with myself for it! I cleared the room out completely and I've sorted the rest of the bags/boxes of crap outside the door into what I think should be another 3-4 dump runs. There is some stuff that's simply too heavy for me to move so I need to plead girl on that and get a couple strong men up there to help with those bits!! Any offers? LOL

I'm going to turn the room into my office!!! My desk is currently just in the main packing area and it's a nightmare where it is. If I move into that room I'll be closer to the stock room and it means that when customers come in to the workshop, the office and stock room are almost opposite each other and no need for them to go up the other end where it's messy!!

I moved the sofa in there today and have got a desk ready to move the PC over, but before I can do that I need more help! Gawd I hate being a girl sometimes! I am definitely computer savvy, but when it comes to moving my PC away from the phone line ... I know I'm going to need help with sorting out turning it wireless before I can officially move in there! Thankfully DH has said he'll help me with that! Phew!

I want my office to be more of a comfy and warm place to be when I have paperwork to do! The other downside of where my desk currently is ... is that there are absolutely no radiators up that end because of false walls ... so it's Brrrrrrr cold when the temperature outside drops!!! I want to be able to take proper breaks and have somewhere comfortable to sit and also somewhere for my choccie biccies to live that isn't too far from the kettle! Hehehe

So yeah today and yesterday I have been doing hard manual graft! Up and down those sodding stairs with heavy bags, lifting & shifting furniture and now I is knackered! By the time I've looked at the clock both days ... it's been pretty much time to run and go pick the kids up!

All work and no play makes Dee a very dull girl!!!

I'm going to have me a nice bath and hit the sack early!

The good news is .... (you mean there IS some?)

Well it's 11.30pm, I'm more than a little drunk and melancholy so I am looking for silver linings in all of the big black clouds that are my life!!!

• When I went into work yesterday there were no emails or voicemail messages to say that anything hadn't arrived, so I HAVE to assume that Christmas 2007 was a success!!
• Nathan's room was "Dee Cleaned" today and is now prolly the cleanest room in the house!!
• I'm pretty drunk.

Yeah ummm that's about it.

2008 HAS to be a good year ... it HAS to.

Crikey where did the last 3 days go????

Well work has been pretty frantic to say the least! I honestly can't believe where the last few days have gone and it's Saturday evening already! Ohhh yeah, I've been working, working and working some more! LOL

I went into work for a bit today to do a little bit of catch up and I found myself getting worried about the order levels ... as in I don't have many current orders in... I could feel my stress starting to rise until I reminded myself that I've actually been fairly on top of orders recently so things are being poured, packed and going out quickly ... which is exactly WHY there aren't many current orders!!

I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done, but I am finding myself starting to worry again about what I still need to do AND the fact that I don't have enough to do! Yeah, figure THAT one out!!! It isn't as if I am behind on orders at all, (aside from one but that's in hand) yet I still find the panic rising as I stand there and look at the few current orders that are in at the moment. It's the middle of November - people should be starting to buy for Christmas by now. I should have MORE orders, that's the problem!!! I'm up on where I was this time last year, but waaaay down on where I was a couple of years ago and that makes me depressed.

I also worry about the fact that I can either afford to make a payment towards my rent (that I am behind on) or order wax. If I don't order wax I won't be able to fill orders, so this week the priority has to be on wax.

I did however siphon off (I just learned how to actually spell siphon and I PRIDE myself on my spelling & grammar!) some cash to buy myself a pretty new bra and matching thong this afternoon! Megan needed a new dressing gown so I took her up to M&S, and after we were done shopping for her, I found myself in the lingerie department! I love that store because they are one of the only places locally where you can buy a pretty F cup bra off the shelf and trained fitters to help you out!! I also picked myself up a couple of pairs of black french knickers and some plain black "no VPL" boyshorts. 4 pairs for a tenner - couldn't resist THAT one!!!

OK more happy stuff, I love the fact that the workshop is clean and tidy! I really wish I'd done it months ago! It was this time last week I started on the mass clean up and a week later I've stayed on top of it and it's still all clean and tidy! It's so nice to walk in there and not have to sigh because the place is an absolute sh*t tip! Candlemaking IS messy work - FACT, so it will never be spotless and "Dee-Clean" but it's looking good!!

Not just clean, but "Dee Clean!"

Well okay maybe it's not quite "Dee Clean" standard, but the workshop is looking mighty clean and tidy after my weekend spent in there clearing up! I'd been expecting a wax delivery Friday afternoon that didn't show up so that will arrive Monday, but I hadn't wanted to waste the weekend. I am pretty much out of wax so I made a conscious decision to go in there Saturday and Sunday for most of the day and have a damned good clear up!!

I don't have a vacuum up there so I had to sweep the main floor and it's really cheap naff horrible carpet that is a beast to sweep and it took forever. I did a couple of dump runs too, so I definitely got a good arm workout this weekend!

I laugh at myself when I start tackling a big project like that because it's always the same. I start tidying up and it then goes through a period of looking worse than it did before I started while I stand there and think why the **** did I ever start this!! Then when it's all clean and shiny I stand there and feel smug! The main packing area is all re-organised with packing stations set up ready for the Christmas rush. I've made separate areas for different types of orders and re-arranged the stock room!

It's almost a shame to go to work on Monday and mess it all up with wax again!

Other than that a pretty mundane weekend with nothing much to report!!

The urge to strangle someone

I've read somewhere that stress is the body's attempt at overiding that strong inner urge to strangle someone who so richly deserves it.... or words to that effect anyway! I can well believe it! After my 'Supermarket Melt-down' a few weeks ago ... I was truly ready to strangle the living shit outta someone - anyone! :=) but thankfully things seem to be much better now.

The tablets are definitely taking the edge off of the physical symptoms of anxiety and making things more "cope-with-able" and having the rest of the household make more of an effort to clean up after themselves just lifts my spirits when I walk through the door after work and am not faced with a mountain of housework!!

Despite the fact that the last couple of days have flown by, I can't believe it's still only Wednesday! I had to work harder and longer yesterday and today to make up for my decadent afternoon on Monday *grin* but it was worth it! Roll on the weekend :-)

If things don't change, they stay the same.

For the fourth day in a row I’ve not been sick so this is a very good thing! I had to take the children into work with me as they are on half term but it was absolutely useless and I was getting nothing done – it was making me more stressed than giving up and just going back later tonight after hub gets home from work.

I also went back to the doctor today. I told her everything that happened with my meltdown as well as some of the stressors in my home life and at work and she really listened. It made a lot of sense with the being sick starting around March time and my stress has been a lot worse since then and the dairy intolerance/sickness/lethargy being brought on by stress.

I also talked to her about the things I am going to try to do to consciously reduce some of the stressors in my life with the eating better, making sure I take more time for myself and delegating more. She said it’s all good stuff.

She also thinks I am not depressed, but that it is more anxiety, low self-esteem and being way too hard on myself when I don’t achieve perfection. Has this doctor got a secret hidden camera somewhere? Talk about bang the nail right on the head! She asked me how I would treat it if I could pick my own treatment and I said probably going back on my happy pills but that I thought I could also benefit from some counseling.

She looked at the prescription for anti-depressants that I was given before and said that they are the best thing for me right now as they are more for anxiety than full blown depression, but she has increased the dose. She also said I don’t have to take them if I don’t want to but she recommends that I do (I will) as they should just help to take the edge off the anxiety and panic.

She has also referred me to their own “in-house” counsellor who specialises in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy … which is trying to change your thoughts and perceptions in order to change your feelings and behaviour. I’m all for it. She’s given me a list of websites to look at and when I mentioned NLP that I’d been looking into (I’ll save the detail of that for another post!) she said that was the perfect sort of thing. There's quite a wait for the counselling but it's completely free.

So I have the entire afternoon now until hub gets home from work when I'll go in and catch up on what I didn't get done this morning. I’m going to clean the house then maybe take the kids to the park and read my book!!

Ways I am trying to reduce my stress

I’ve had a fairly relaxed day today. I was in bed early last night and slept in this morning, plus I haven’t been sick for 3 days. It’s good in a way because obviously I’m not being sick, but it’s bad because it is currently looking like it IS the food intolerance. Only time will tell!!

I’ve done a lot of research into stress causes, symptoms, effects etc and I am starting to make plans to try to reduce my stress levels to avoid anything like that ever happening again. Certain things can’t be avoided but I can try to learn coping mechanisms to deal with them better.

Here is my current plan!

# Eat better.
I’ve never really been one for breakfast but I have some non-dairy yoghurts in the fridge and there is plenty of fruit in the bowl so I am going to try to make sure I eat something in the mornings even if it is just a yoghurt & banana, and take at least *something* to work with me to keep me going during the day. This should help increase my energy levels so I am not flagging by mid afternoon and less prone to get snippy and irritated from tiredness! It'll only be good for my general health and well being anyway!!

# Delegate more at home.
My stress levels are lower when the house is clean and tidy and I can’t sit and relax in a house that is a pigsty. I know this and the entire household knows this, which is why I work so hard to try to keep the place reasonably tidy. I’m quite happy to do the majority of the housework because in a weird twisted way I do enjoy it, as long as the rest of them just pick up after themselves and hub gives me more help. This will give me more time during my day to do things other than cleaning and stressing about the state of the place!

# Get some help at work.
The business can’t quite afford it yet, but in the run up to Christmas there is no way I can do it all by myself without suffering from complete burnout. I think I need to get someone in at least 8 hours a week to help with the work load that will just increase more and more as we get closer to Christmas.

# Relax more.
I’m not really sure quite how I plan on doing this, but I do want to try to pamper myself a bit more. Maybe once a month I should treat myself to a neck & shoulder massage, as that won’t cost the earth, or get a facial or a pedicure … or something! I’m a classic “type A” personality at the moment and that isn’t healthy. I need to relax more. I’m going to buy some essential oils and use aromatherapy in my bedroom in the evenings and try to get “me-time” for privacy and quiet every day, even if it is only half an hour with my book upstairs before bed or a bath at night. Maybe also take one day a week where I finish work early and visit a friend for a couple of hours.

# Procrastinate less.
If I need to do it tomorrow, I should do it today. If it needs doing today I should do it right now. I make lists of things to do every day and will be starting to prioritise more.

# Compromise more.
The world wont fall apart if the house isn’t spotless and some things simply aren’t worth doing “perfectly” – that was very hard to say!! We live in an imperfect world and some things I simply need to compromise on and try not to get so wound up about.

# Hobbies.
I need to spend more time doing things that give me pleasure (no dirty sniggers please!!) I haven't had the ooomph to make any cards or scrapbook for ages and my photography has gone by the wayside. I need to do more of these things. My mum bought me a new christmas rubber stamp today in an effort to get me off my ass and start making Christmas cards :-) She knows me so well!

# Go back to the doctor.
I think it's a given that I need to talk to somebody about what happened on Saturday and I'll probably be given a lecture for stopping taking the anti-depressants that I was prescribed before. In my defence I took them for several weeks and there was no real noticeable difference and I just kinda forgot to take them anymore. I'll probably be prescribed more ADs but that's something I am happy to accept. If taking some tablets can help to sort out the chemical imbalance shit in my head while I work on the other stuff, then I'm all for that.

I’m sure there is more, but that’s certainly a start.