Megan had a birthday!

Well I am now the scared owner of a ten year old daughter! I *think* she had a lovely day ... we certainly spent an absolute FORTUNE on her!! She has a birthday treat coming up this weekend too - I'm taking her and three of her friends to the cinema then back here for pizza!

I do have piccies from her birthday, but I'm posting this after getting back from market so I'll update this with pics when I've had a chance to look for my cable!!

School report day & Proud Mama!

BOTH my fantastic kids got great school reports today! I knew Megan had done well this year, but it was so good to see it in print. Her teacher's quote was that Megan had "worked her socks off!" I'm so proud of that girl! She has never been strong at maths but she is *improving* and as far as I am concerned she's doing just brilliantly!

Nathan's report really surprised the crap out of me!! His teacher commented on how his concentration and focus have really improved over the year ... and last year's report was full of "variable" for his effort - intersperted with the very odd "good!" This year it was ALL good with a VERY good in there for design technology! I nearly cried as I was reading it! He's done so well.

They have BOTH done so well. It makes me really proud!!!

Anyway, it's nearly 10pm on Tuesday evening ... I have JUST finished all of the re-labelling of the stock ready for market tomorrow. It had BETTER be a good day ... if it isn't then I don't even want to think about where I will be. I need to make money this week!

I haven't done even half the things I wanted to achieve this evening ... and I still need to shower - the thought of a 5am shower is NOT a good one!

I did get pics of the new labels ... but again it will have to wait ... I could waffle on here all night but it won't get my work done or me showered! LOL

it was "Yell at Dee Day" today ... and the resulting melancholy!!

I got yelled at twice today by two different people - both pretty important people in my life ... and both within a couple of hours of each other!! I am not going to elaborate or go into detail of the who/what/why/when/why and how because both people did apologise for the yelling part (even though I admit there was a reason behind the yelling - i.e. Dee has fucked up again) and it's all dealt with and okay now ... but it really did get me thinking.

I am wondering whether I've been too "up in the clouds" about everything lately. I do have a tendancy to kind of go off on a tangent with things and I KNOW get a little over enthusiastic ... but if I don't put myself out there and actively make changes then nothing is going to happen. I cannot just sit here and wait for things to happen for me because life just doesn't work that way.

It just feels like no matter what I do I am in the wrong at the moment. I seem to go from feeling up to feeling totally crap and that I am the worst person in the world!

Translated - I am a bad mother.

I'm worried about my relationship with my children. Part of me doesn't want to say anything here because I know Megan sometimes reads my blog and a lot of my friends & family read what I write here ... but if being honest on my blog means that the people close to me can get inside my head more ... then that's what this is all about!!

I am working a LOT at the moment. Every spare minute I have is spent working ... I'm either on my laptop working on the website, designing promotions, doing accounts & paperwork ... or I am out of the house at the workshop.

I worry that I don't have enough quality time with them - that I am too focussed on myself & the business right now and that they will end up resenting me for it. They are at such a critical age at the moment - both of them and I want nothing more than for them to both look back on their childhood and say to people that they had a brilliant childhood!!

In short, I worry I am not doing a good enough job as a mother.

Nathan is a funny one ... because of his "problems" ... I honestly think that as long as he is fed, watered and has access to a computer and his nightly "snuggles" with me on the sofa then he'll be just fine. If I want to actually TALK to him, I need to sit with him on the stairs where there are no distractions and then I'll get all of 5 minutes before he loses interest! He is very hard to actually get inside of because of his ADHD/Aspergers ... but at the same time he is very very loving and we have a wonderful relationship. I can say without question that Nathan hugs are THE best in the world!

It's Megan I worry about. She is nearly ten and those double figures are a scary birthday number for a mother - well, for me anyway! She is so grown up and at the age now where she is really developing as a young lady as well as an individual with her own distinct tastes, likes & dislikes. I'm worried that I work too much and don't spend enough quality time with her. I want her to look back on her childhood and truly know that her Mum was there for her no matter what. I worry that I don't get to spend enough time with her and that there is just "too much to do" with the accounts, working on the website etc when I am at home ... that's when I'm not trying to clean up and stay on top of the housework! The rest of the time she's at school or I'm at work!

I just want my kids to know that the whole reason why I am doing this is for them. I need them to know that I work hard to try to give them a better future and to make up for the mistakes I made in the past. I still make mistakes every single day, but I realised not too long ago that I'm not superwoman and that it is okay not to be able to do everything. Gawd knows I still have a hell of a lot to put them through yet, but I'll take it one day at a time.

Even though I am very much aware of mistakes I've made in the past and I work so hard to try to fix them, I still screw up! I'm not perfect. Far from it. Today for example ... being yelled at twice by two different people for two different reasons. It really brought me down.

Anyway ... I think I need a bath and an early night. It's Monday tomorrow - a new day and a new week.

Ohh I did LOADS today!

Today has been a really good day! I was in the workshop this morning and got a ton of stock votives poured ready for the East Preston market on Wednesday. I made myself a list of the scents I wanted to take with me and got them ALL poured!

I spent the afternoon when I got back chilling in the garden with the kids - it was really nice and it was great to spend time with them. I forget sometimes what great little people they are!!

Megan is growing up TOOOOOO fast these days - it scares me! One of her classmates has already started her periods, and knowing that my daughter and her friends are that developed ... woah it's scary stuff for a mother!

And Mr Nathan ... well it was a surprise to see him actually EATING ... let alone eating a chicken wing - AND thoroughly enjoying it too!!

Yeah ... a good weekend!!!

Proud Mama Bear!

God I love these proud mama bear moments! Megan had such a fantastic day today and she really made me proud! She was put forward for a "pupil enrichment course" for musically gifted and able children ... and selected as someone with natural talent to nurture!! She was invited to do a one day workshop called "Sing Out!" which is about singing as a group and using harmony. I was proud of her already, but when we got there today and I saw it was just THIRTEEN of them on this course I was even MORE proud!!

Here's some vids!! Sorry they are sideways and apologies for the crappy quality - this is the first time I've posted vids from my mobile and I couldn't figure the rotation! LOL You'll just have to watch sideways ... it's about the singing anyway!

Aint she gorgeous?! She enjoyed herself SO much - it was so obvious from the way she was grinning inanely on the way home! Damn she can really sing too - she has a gorgeous singing voice ... I had tears in my eyes as soon as they started singing!!!

My shitty weekend

Stop the world, I WANT TO GET OFF.

I have worked SO hard and stressed SO much over the last few days and worked myself to the bone. I have completely exhausted myself mentally and physically, and it just feels like it is all for nothing. I've been feeling very unwell - dizzy spells and weird tingly feelings all over my body, and sooooooo tired. The fact that I didn't crash my car driving home from the show today was just a bloody miracle.

The photo taking in Chichester yesterday ended up as a total non event. We started a bit of a walk round, but A is suffering at the moment with a really bad back and he was very obviously in pain .... so we found a pub and had a few drinks while we waited for hub & F to come back. I won't say that I wasn't *slightly* annoyed (okay that's an understatement - I was very annoyed) because I had to go through SO much to get everything done for the show in time to go out for the afternoon. Then, I feel bad for feeling that because it wasn't A's fault - he was well up for it ... just in pain.

Still ... in the grand scheme of things it didn't help my stress levels with wasted time that I could have been working. THEN on top of it all, hub and I had a huge massive fight last night. I don't remember what time I finally fell asleep ... but it was late.

I then had to get up really early this morning and left for the show at Fontwell Racecourse in plenty of time. Megan was with me and I swear had it not been for her in the car then I probably would have lost it totally. I couldn't find the turnoff for it! How crazy is that? I've driven past it like a gazillion times ... but the entrance that I thought was the entrance - well, it wasn't!! I ended up going in completely the wrong direction and having to drive for ages to find a roundabout to get back the other way. It ended up taking forever. I felt my stress levels rising higher and higher until I was in floods of tears in the car!

I am angry with myself for allowing that to happen in front of Megan. It's not exactly the first time she's witnessed a meltdown, but I should have held it together better. I didn't show her a very good example of coping... We finally got there with just a few minutes until it opened so it was mega-speedy unpacking the stock and getting it all set up.

The final pisser? It was a really dreadful show and I only just really covered costs. There were hardly any people through the door - it was sooooo quiet. I can stand there smiling for 6 hours when it's worth it ... but standing there for 6 hours when it's deader than a dodo ... when I'm already feeling dizzy and unwell was not good. Megan kept me together though ... hehee she said it wasn't a bad day because we did make some money and we got free cake! Bless her.

Still ... it makes me continue to question WTF I am actually doing? If I am getting so wound up and so stressed all because of work ... is it REALLY worth it? This weekend - in fact the past few days have been so full on and nonstop and it just feels like it's all for nothing.I want to achieve my dream and get a shop because I know damned well I have a great product ... but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Two Peas in a pod or what!

Took this on my phone this morning when Megan & I went up to M&S to get her some new trousers. I always knew we looked alike, but when you see it in a photo like this .... oooh it's scary!

Same eyes, same nose, same mouth ... same high cheekbones, same chin, same hair .... LOL I guess there's no mistaking whether this one got mixed up in the hospital or not eh!

My daughter just told me .....

(via MSN from her bedroom while I am sat in the lounge with my laptop!) that she loves me more than she loves her phone!

Wow, I guess she loves me a LOT because that girl loves her new phone!!

Megan's first phone!

I gave Megan her very first mobile phone today as a "just because" gift!! OMG she cracks me up - she still has such a huge grin on her face and keeps running into the room with her phone against her face saying "I love you phone" then laughing maniacally and running out again!

Originally I'd said she could have one when she starts senior school in a couple of years (i.e. age 11-12) ... but I'd changed my mind and said she could have one for her 10th birthday this year because she is grown up, responsible, mature and doesn't ever really give us any grief! LOL She is doing well and making huge HUGE improvements in so many areas at school, her general attitude is great (the odd bit of cheek but I can cope with that!) she is popular and well liked by her friends etc... AND it's actually the only thing she has asked for.

Anyway, part of the reason why I'd changed my mind on it was because I wanted a way to show her that look, if you act mature and responsibly then you'll be treated accordingly!! As adults we have to work for our rewards and I think it's the same for the kids too. It's just a shame that these days it's all about computers and mobile phones!

Damn I sound old! LOL

Anyway, I actually picked up a little pink pay as you go phone when I upgraded mine recently that I knew would be ideal for her - I stuck a tenners worth of credit on it and I've had it stashed away in a safe place!! I spoke to hub this evening and he agreed with me that she's kept her room immaculately tidy for the last few weeks without complaint, she's done all the chores asked of her and extra ones without being asked ... and that maybe this was one of those times that warranted a "just because" present.

Oh wow she is one happy girl! I wrapped the phone up and gave her the gift ... then I rang the number as she was unwrapping it! Her face was a picture!!! I've just noticed she's even put a notice on her door this evening saying "Don't come in, I'm busy loving my phone!" LOL

She knows that if her schoolwork drops, or she doesn't carry on helping out around the house then the phone is confiscated ... I don't think we'll have any trouble with that though!! She also knows that she will only get a certain amount of credit on her phone each week ... and once it's gone, it's gone!

I love seeing her with such a bright and beaming smile on her face. She's a good girl and she deserves it!

And then the kids were on school holidays

... and the normality of my every day life goes completely up the swanny!!

I'm lucky that hub offered to take Monday off and work from home today so I was able to get into the workshop yesterday and today. Truth is, it hasn't come at a mega bad time because orders have been very slow over the last few days. If I HAVE to take enforced time off (ie kids off school) then I would rather it were when things are slow because it makes me feel less guilty!

On the downside, it means orders are slow! *sigh* time for another website revamp? I am gonna get pro-active over the next couple of weeks that the kids are on holiday (Damn the screwy easter dates this year!)

Soooo this evening I am trying desperately to put together a new format for the website that will really bring in the sales!! Mama has gotta go get seriously productive!

Leopard Boy & Pirate Girl

Hehehe well this was actually last week but I lost my USB cable and couldn't download from my proper camera!

At Beavers, there are a few soft toys that are dressed up as Beaver mascots, and given to different boys each week for smartest dressed, best behaved, hardest working etc. Last week Nathan got to bring home Leopard Boy for working hard! As you can see from the smile he was chuffed to bits!! Nathan gets a lot from Beavers - as well as having a LOT of fun, he really learns a lot there too because he's interested in it - that's definitely the key with keeping this one occupied!!

At Brownies last week the girls had a Pirate themed evening and had to dress up in costume! Needless to say we raided her brother's dressing up box for a pirate shirt that was waaay too small but looked fantastic anyway over a blue t-shirt that she chose because it looked like the ocean! She borrowed Nathan's pirate hat, teamed it with black trousers and hey presto an almost Pirate!!

Take one box of Mum's face paints and twenty minutes later we have a Perfect Pirate with a painted eye patch and matching scar on her cheek! There were a lot of brownies there with obviously brand new specially bought pirate outfits but I reckon something put together from bits and pieces and a lil bit of face paint is MUCH more fun! She had a great time and came 2nd in the competition for best pirate!!

My daughter wants a boyfriend????

Well she IS gorgeous isn't she! I mean of course I am biased, but I would defy any guy in the future NOT to fall in love with this adorable face, that gorgeous smile, and those eyes!! Not to mention the fact that her laugh is totally infectious!!!!

But she's nine years old (okay nearly 10) and I am talking like WAAAY in the future when she's 30! LOL

I got a call from my sister in law Leanne this evening who was on MSN and chatting to Megan, and apparently Megan's MSN message next to her name was "I want a boyfriend" ... I got a phone call from Leanne right away!!! Sorry Megan but there ARE spies out there! Leanne wasn't "concerned" but obviously thought I should know!

Anyway, I went in a while later and had a chat with Megan because although I am her mum, I want her to know that I am always there for her no matter what! I try to drum into the pair of them that it doesn't matter WHAT you have done or how much trouble you think you are going to be in ... because if you come to me, or your dad, or your nan, or any other adult you trust and say to them "I have a problem - I've done something wrong and I need help" then you will never be in half as much trouble as you would be in for lying.

I had a quick chat with her about her MSN message but kept the chat very cool and aloof and didn't probe her too much. Megan is a sensible girl - I know that and I do give that girl the credit she deserves because she is a credit to me! I am so proud of the young woman (!) she is becoming.

I think part of the reason why that whole thing struck me so much is because I am now old enough to have a daughter who is thinking about boyfriends! OMG! Crikey she'd kill me if she knew I was posting this, but her whole body shape is changing and she is definitely starting to come close to puberty.

It's such a strange position to find myself in though! I am only 32, so I don't consider myself old by ANY standard, but yet I am old enough to have a daughter who is starting to think about this stuff!! God I hope we stay close I really do! I didn't talk to my mum much as I grew up. I got into trouble and dealt with it all myself through my teenage years and knowing the great relationship I have with my mum now - I couldn't imagine NOT telling her anything now!!

It's hard because you HAVE to give them a certain degree of freedom whilst still retaining that element of control. You have to trust your child and know that you have brought them up to the best of your ability and installed moral values into them... yet at the same time you worry for them so much!!

After having two miscarriages before I fell pregnant with Megan ... I thought at first that the worry would end when the baby was born ... then I realised that once you get through the birth with a healthy baby, you have to worry about cot death in the first few months - then once they start crawling and walking you worry they will crash into something ... you think it will end eventually but it doesn't! The worry doesn't EVER stop!

I know that she has to make her OWN mistakes and learn her own lessons in life, but god it's hard to watch!!! I want to be a supportive and encouraging Mum - someone that is always there for her cheering from the sidelines no matter what, but one who also knows when to back off!!

God help me when Nathan starts going through this! I wonder which one I will end up feeling more protective over ... LOL oh the joys of parenthood!

Wax, Work & Weather!!

... well I always did say I was eclectic hence the subject line! My days are never simple!

Ok well I am definitely hooked. I planted my lettuce seeds today too! As the seedlings in the propagator had been moved onto pots, it was just crying out to be filled up again! I've got the "cut and come again" type seeds - the idea is to sew new seeds every few weeks so it becomes a rotational constant crop. I've got a mix of crunchy and spicy lettuces and I just mixed all the seeds up together to see what I come up with! LOL

Work was tough today! I had so much to do and where I'd been in and out last week due to "circumstances", I had almost completely ran out of packing boxes, so had to get an urgent order in for those! I spent most of the weekend pouring stock votives and bulk dozens of votives and there were ummm 28 dozen votives to wick! I timed myself once and from putting the wick in the votive, putting it in the bag, taping the bag up and labelling, it takes an average of 6 minutes per dozen ... that would be 168 minutes of solid votive packaging! I didn't fancy spending over two hours stood up at work doing it, so I spent the time at work doing other things and then brought all the wicking home! I've sat here this evening with a glass of wine and done ALL the wicking while listening to some tunes!

Yeah baby I rock! LOL

Took a call this afternoon from South Downs College (http://www.southdowns.ac.uk/) about a 2 day event they are running for May bank holiday on the Sunday and Monday. Sooo I'm definitely going to book that one! I've already spoken to Megan about coming along as my chief sales executive - the conversation went something like this.

ME - I've got a 2 day show booked for the 25th & 26th May, do you fancy coming with me?
MEGAN - 2 days? Oooh I've not done one of those before. How many hours is that?
ME - Well, it's 10-5 on the Sunday which is 7 hours, then 10-4 on the Monday, so that's 6 hours.

I could see the steam escaping from her ears as she did the calculation in her head! Megan LOVES coming with me just for fun and for Mum & Megan time, but I pay her a pound an hour (c'mon she's only nine!!!) plus I give her five pounds to spend on anything she wants while she's there... and invariably I get talked into upping that and buying slices of cake too! LOL

MEGAN - That's 13 hours. Does that mean I get 13 pounds?
ME - Yes baby that's the deal - a pound an hour.
MEGAN - Plus my five pounds to spend?
ME - Uhuh
MEGAN (punching the air and whoop whooping around the room)

That's my girl! HAH!

So yeah the weather ... god last night I could really hear the wind and rain against my bedroom windows! My bedroom is a loft conversion in a bungalow so you're pretty exposed up there! It's normally a really warm room and I always ALWAYS sleep with the window open, so when the storm started last night I heard it all! It wasn't a big storm by any means and the fences were still standing, but it was good to be tucked up safe in bed listening to the wind and rain battering against the windows. We're apparently in for bad weather for the next few days ... bring on the sun!!

Miss Megan or Lil Miss Congeniality? LOL

Okay so a lil while ago I blogged about how I installed MSN messenger on my dear daughter Miss Megan's computer ... OMG she just made me laugh SO much I just HAD to write about it straight away (seeing as I am sat here on my laptop working on catalogues anyway)!

So, it's 8.50pm on Friday night (the children are allowed to stay up later on the weekends. She's in her bedroom chatting to her school friends on MSN (her friends list is strictly monitored!) and she comes into the lounge where I'm sat with my laptop ... and she looked at my MSN friends list and laughed as she said "I've got WAAAAY more friends on my friends list than you!"

Photo taken around 8.53pm this evening! LOL When I went in she had a chat room with four of her friends, plus two private chat windows ... PLUS a window chatting to me! Yeah she MSNs me from her bedroom even though we live in a bungalow and her bedroom is right opposite the lounge!

Ahhh technology!

I'm an awful person ...

In short .... (because I have been drinking and intend this to be a short blog entry but heck you never know with me!)

My show on Saturday was SHIT. It wasn't even worth getting out of bed for. The only thing that made it worth it was having Megan there to talk to! It really was a pile of crap. The ONLY lining in the cloud was that the table cost was 10& of sales! I showed the organiser my sales totals at the end of the day and I handed over £3.70. Yeah, it was THAT BAD!! Hardly anyone through the door!! I was so pissed off it was untrue!!!

On the upside, Sunday was Mothers Day and I did have a lovely wakeup when two children bounced on me around 7am with gifts!! Megan made me a lovely notebook holder covered in glitter (with a heart notepad) at Brownies, and Nathan made me a card and a photo frame at Beavers last week. It was truly lovely because their dad didn't have to take them out to BUY me something ... it was handmade from the heart :-D

I've had a bit of a sad and melancholy day today that I really can't blog about in public and part of that annoys the CRAP out of me! I know there are quite a few people who do read this blog regularly (yeah I know who all three of you are! LOL), and there are some things that I can't say in public.

All I can really say is that I reached a decision today that broke my heart to do. It's a purely personal thing and nothing to do with work (although I have been thinking about that too!) ... but this decision has been a long time coming. It's been really HARD for me recently as I have felt stuck between a rock and a hard place ... and today, although it cut me to the core and hurt me immensely ... I made the choice.

That's all I can say about it online really!

If you are one of the three people I have mentioned (my closest friends and I love you guys!) then you will know what I am talking about! The rest of you will just have to guess because my lips are sealed!

Meanwhile ... the conscious decision I made yesterday (Sunday eve) not to drink on a Mon, Tues or Weds eve flew straight out of the window tonight when hub brought home a box of wine after he'd walked the dog. I think he could just tell I needed it even though I couldn't honestly tell him why...

I wish I could go into more detail here because I am in the mood to waffle (yeah 4th glass of wine!) but I can't. I will say that the alcohol ended up being a very good idea because I am pretty numb right now.

And thank FUCK for spell check!!

I just feel bad for so many reasons right now. It's been a truly bad day - certainly the worst on record for at least a year!!

Ok, so mebbe that wasn't so short ... so sue me!

MSN conversations with my daughter!!!!!!!

Okay Miss Megan is DEFINITELY getting too grown up!!! This photo was actually taken towards the end of last year at my sister's wedding bash in the UK ... but I think it really reflects the relationship that she and I have. I love that girl more than life itself. She's such a great daughter!

She spends a lot of time on her computer as most kids do these days. Both of my kids are VERY lucky because they have their own computers and an internet connection (fully locked down and secure - trust me on that one!!) Anyway, she uses something called Club Penguin with her school friends where she has her own little penguin and igloo etc and they can all talk together in this virtual penguin world, but I do get concerned about WHO exactly she is talking to.

Megan is such a mature and responsible 9 1/2 year old girl though, and everything she has done recently has only demonstrated that she can be trusted ... and as far as I am concerned as a parent, if my kids SHOW that they can be trusted, then they WILL be trusted, and the apron strings will be loosened a little bit every time!!

She is a sensible girl who LOVES it when she's praised and I'll admit that I don't give her as much praise as she probably deserves!! My relationship with my daughter has got so much better recently and I think she truly does understand that I am here for her, and no matter how bad it may seem, she can tell me anything.

I've talked to her enough about the bad nasty people in the world who do awful things to children, and she has her head screwed on the right way. Her behaviour HAS been pretty much perfect recently - doing well at school, keeping her room tidy, not being in any trouble ... and I have to reward that ... no, I WANT to reward that!

So, I told Megan straight after school that I was going to install MSN for her on her computer. She's had her own email address for a while and emails her friends a LOT (even though she sees them ALL day at school!) and LOL well since I installed it I think I have chatted to my daughter more than I ever have before!! Normally she'd shut her bedroom door after school and I'd only see her if she was hungry! We've chatted loads this afternoon on MSN!

Problem is ... my daughter is now on MSN! HAH!

Nah, I'm joking ... it's been nice actually ... really nice! I was chatting to Leanne, my sister in law on MSN early this evening, and I DID warn her before I gave Megan her addy to add her as a contact! It worked out so nicely as Leanne's kids were home and Megan got to chat to her cousin Ethan (Leanne's eldest) on MSN for a bit before they went to bed!!

Sooo yeah my daughter is on MSN! LOL gawd help us all!

Oooops the days got away with me!!

Well crikey it's Sunday evening and I haven't blogged since Thursday night? I have absolutely NO excuse really ... I had to pop into work quickly on Friday morning (left the kids in the car) just to check on a few bits and pieces and solve a missing delivery problem (all sorted!) but other than that I've been pretty much sat on my butt!!

Okay that's physically what I've been doing, but c'mon, you know me ... or at least you SHOULD do if you read my blog! LOL like I could just sit here and do absolutely nothing! HAH! I have been working very hard on updating another website of mine ... www.candlemaking.org.uk ... The Essential Survival Guide to Candlemaking was online even before my business was! It's been on the web for over a decade now and it is totally dedicated to helping other candlemakers ... I've revamped it and given it a total overhaul. It's taken some serious work and I still have some articles to re-write!! I'll get it finished in the next few days and part of the whole point of the re-vamp is to try to generate some extra advertising revenue too.

So yeah, my last few days have been full of taking the kids to the park, working on the website, drinking WAAAAY too much alcohol and laundry! LOL

Anyway, I have to laugh about this pic I took of Megan! She has the talent of being able to go cross eyed at will! OMG she's brilliant - I can't do it! LOL

Yeah ... that's my girl!!!

Wow ... the things I learned about my son tonight!!!

Wow, the things I have learned about my little boy tonight have truly astounded me!

It's been a weird day really. I woke up this morning and I really just didn't want to drag the kids into the workshop with me! I turned the alarm clock off and allowed myself the indulgence of a lay in until 9.30am! I could hear the kids downstairs but there were no sounds of screaming, so I just huddled myself under my duvet until I FELT like getting up!

This evening at hub's suggestion, we all went out for a "family" meal ... the kids have been so well behaved recently and it was hub's payday - plus the freezer is pretty much totally empty, and with me clearing out the kitchen cupboards yesterday ... well there wasn't much in the house!!

Anyway, after trudging around a few different places, trying to find somewhere that didn't have a 20-30 min wait for a table for four ... we finally got seated back at the first place we went too!

The kids were impeccable with their behaviour! I was proud of the pair of them! We went to a family friendly restaurant that provides colouring pens and activity sheets

That's the background ... but the thing is ... after a few glasses of wine I was feeling decidedly squiffy so we weren't exactly hugely forthcoming about getting the kids in bed! Hub was doing some work and I was watching Dawn Porter do her lesbian thang (so gotta post about that separately!) when it occurred to me to get them into bed!

Fast forward past the whole go to bed, kisses & cuddles bit ... I'm sat here with another glass of wine and Nathan comes in telling me he has had a bad dream about colours!

THAT intruigued the crap out of me so I asked him to explain. He told me that his dream was yellow with a black hole in the middle but that sometimes it was colours other than yellow.

OMG it was fascinating. I got him to draw his dream for me and he drew a big circle (in biro) that he told me was yellow and then did a black circle in the middle of it. From there I got him to make me a list of happy and sad colours, but he re-named it colours he liked and colours he hated! Yellow was top of the hate list, followed by black and all kinds of dark colours. Top of his love list was red orange and pink together like a sunset... and that just blew my mind! He said blue is an okay colour as long as it isn't too dark, white and grey are in the middle and he absolutely loves ALL (his words) types of green.

It was fascinating and totally blew my mind. He took his list to bed with him but I plan on secreting it away later to look at properly. It smacks of being a very Aspergers thing ... and it reminded me a lot of "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" ... I forget the author but it's about a boy with severe Aspergers (Nathan is mild to mid) and it was just wow ... because that boy saw yellow as a bad luck colour too. It is definitely worth mentioning to his specialist at the hospital when he's seen again.

Utterly fascinating. I saw an insight into my little man tonight that I have never EVER had before.

First craft show of the year ...

Well yesterday was! Oving in Chichester, so a nice local one that only took 20 minutes to get to. I'll admit that I hadn't even thought about writing about it when I got back as my head just needed to hit my pillow!

Megan came with me and she was absolutely brilliant! Such a superb little saleswoman and I had so many people compliment me on her! She handed out a ton of business cards to people and was standing there telling customers how to use the breakaway melts and the story behind my multi layered candleshop votives!

Plus, it was nice to just have some Mum & Megan time together! I didn't make a fortune, but we got my name out there and that's what it's about!! I've got a fair amount of interest in candle parties too ... so fingers crossed!!

Prep for my first craft fair of the year

I don't know if you can even call it a craft fair really! I am in Oving, Chichester tomorrow and it's only a little local one 1-4pm so I am not expecting huge amounts, but it's the first one of the year and I'm taking slightly different stuff so I am a little unsure! LOL

To a certain extent I have stopped doing shows and fairs because you have to stand there all day with a false smile on your face as people pick stuff up, tell you how wonderful it smells, how they've never smelled anything as good ... and then they walk off without buying anything! It can be incredibly frustrating!

So, I'm being pretty picky now about the events I will attend. I wouldn't normally do something just for 3 hours, but I figure it's a local one, it's in aid of a really good charity, and getting out there making SOME money has to be better than being sat on my ass at home!!

So anyway I've got stacks of 3 votives, break away melts and my "just say it" slim pillars. I spent most of today in the workshop re-packaging the soaps that are now "to clear" and organising all of the labels and making sure I have everything I need. Megan is going to come with me so it will be a nice girlie day for us too :-)