A very quick catch up!!

Well after being badgered by my daughter and receiving phone calls and emails from my real life friends over the last couple of weeks ... I figured I had really better spend some time sitting down catching up on everything here!

It hasn't been brilliant ... but I guess that much is obvious or I would have posted about anything fabulous eh! The business is still ticking over and I have got an accountant on board now who already has my first batch of paperwork. To make it easy to explain the paperwork is broken down into four bits. The first three bits are the absolutely MUST have filed asap for the tax man. I've done two out of three of those and am working on the last third. The final fourth bit will bring me absolutely up to date as far as being current goes - so that is really where I want to be, but all in good time.

I'll admit I have been deeply buried in paperwork recently, especially during the day. I am trying to split my time so that during the day I am home and around with the children because I HATE dragging them into work with me and they hate being there! I've been doing the numbers, designing flyers, working on the website ... ohh and cleaning the house during the day, and then as soon as hub is through the door at 6pm I'm off out into the workshop!

The earliest I am generally home is 8.30-9pm and it's often later than that in the evening, so to be truthful, the last thing I've felt like doing when I sit down and relax after work late at night is getting on here and moaning & complaining about how stressed out I am!! Who'd want to read about that! LOL

So anyway! I have so many things to update on, but only about ten minutes I can justify sitting here before hub will be home and I'll need to go into the workshop!!

Wednesday Market

Well .... the market stall is covering costs and that is about it! This is a pic from a couple of weeks ago and each week the stall looks better and better. All of the scented votives are in the middle section, and at both ends I have smaller displays with incense and floating candles. It's a VERY long day to be up at 5am, out of the house by 6.15am and then not home until usually around 7.30pm by the time I've unpacked everything back at the workshop.

It's very disheartening to know that I have such great products - not blowing my own trumpet, but I DO ... yet people just aren't buying. It's the same whoever you talk to and whatever business they are in ... it's slow everywhere. I stand there ALL day and just about cover the cost of the pitch and the cost of the stock that I had to sell to cover the cost of the pitch (if you read that properly and say it out loud it does make sense!) I get nowhere near covering the cost of my time standing there all day when I actually could have spent that day filling orders.

Why do I do it? Because the summer is always slow and because once I've got my pitch established and people start to see me as a familiar face on the market ... we'll be just about ready for silly season and the early Christmas shoppers will be all over me like a rash!!

Well that is the plan anyway!!

Right, hi ho, hi ho it's off to work I go! With a bucket and spade and a hang grenade hi ho, hi ho!

OMG BUSY!!!!!!

The last few days have officially all rolled in to one! Today has been a day from hell but it's too late at night and I am too tired to get into it right now - it'll have to wait! UGH I am busy, stressed and there is too much to do and not enough time to do it all...

Plus my wax melter died ... yeah don't ask!

And yesterday she did sleep!!

I was fairly okay when I woke up in the morning yesterday, but the tiredness hit as the day went on and I felt more and more tired. I picked the kids up from school and the last thing I remember is looking at the clock at 4pm.

I'd fallen on the sofa and woke up around 9pm ... ooops!

I need a harder nose!!

I am sat here watching Hotel Babylon and I SO need to take inspiration from Rebecca the hotel manager! She is a mega hard nosed super bitch who doesn't take crap from anyone. I wouldn't want to be completely like her because she is so VERY driven with very little room in her life for anything else... but as far as running a business goes?

I need a harder nose ... or a backbone - or both!! I need to start playing the game properly instead of pussy footing and half arseing around.

It's been a fairly good work day today. Half term is over now and it's all back to normal with the kids so I can get finally "proper" work done again. I feel totally exhausted and knackered as I've been fairly nonstop during the day, and then the last couple of nights have been late ones working on the website, but I'm pleased to say it's so very nearly ready to go and it looks terrific!

p.s. The actual "live" site (I use that term loosely right now) is STILL offline. I am so totally pissed off about that as I've been on the phone to my hosts several times and I am simply told "engineers are aware and working on it." Btw it wasn't actually me that screwed it up - apparently it's their end - I just happened to be uploading at the time it went tits up!

In the mean time I apparently just have to sit tight and errr wait!

Pause for breath!!

Whew what a busy day! LOL it's been non stop! I was up with the birds (okay 7am) to be at work really early as the fire alarm system was being tested and they needed access to all units ... and as soon as they'd been in and tested my alarms, I locked up and hauled my butt over to the gym! I did a quick workout and then headed back to work!

I got quite a few orders poured today - although I won't be able to dispatch anything until Monday (kids off for one more day tomorrow!!) ... but it means that by the time Monday morning rolls around I should be hopefully up to date on all orders as I plan on being in there all weekend. Whew!!

I've had an evening OFF from the paperwork and number crunching tonight ... by the time I got home from work I was knackered and I knew my head wasn't up to concentrating ... so I've been working on a website redesign instead :-) it's still technically work, but it's fun stuff!!

Tomorrow I still have the kids off school so I'll take them up the park if it's nice ... and then crack on with the numbers! Plan is to have completed the entire year end up to 31st March 2005 by the end of the afternoon tomorrow so I can get started on working through the credit card statements.

Tomorrow evening I am going to have to get into work for a few hours to do prep for the weekend and aside from working my butt off all weekend, that's the sum total of my plans!

2 pep talks, good friends & sleeping pills!

God what a day. I managed to fall asleep around 4am - then my alarm went off at 7.30 which is the absolute latest I can get up in the morning and still manage to leave the house in time to get the kids to school.

I did take me to the doctor this morning though for a repeat prescription of my happy pills. She was really great and listened to all of my waffle about my lack of sleep and my weird tingling & heavy legs, and then asked me if I've had any increased activity and any increased stress! It was all I could do not to laugh because err yes and hell yes in that order! She said all of the things I described (and it's definitely called restless legs) were all more symptoms of anxiety and that re-joining the gym and getting more exercise is changing the natural rhythm of my body and that it should settle down. She gave me a bit of a pep talk about staying positive and trying to be more optimistic than pessimistic.

... she also gave me something to help me sleep. I've got 10 days worth of Zopiclone which is apparently a "hypnotic" drug. It decreases the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep ... and increases the amount of time you stay asleep so I shouldn't wake in the middle of the night unless I need the loo or something!!!

This afternoon I popped over to see a friend - and got my second pep talk of the day! L has been a really good friend for the last couple of years and totally "gets" me. L kinda sat there this afternoon and kicked me up the ass (figuratively speaking!) and told me pretty much point blank that if I want to get out of this situation then I HAVE to do something about it .... and fast. The truth is, once I've got the paperwork sorted, it'll be a huge weight off my mind and will probably go a very long way to reducing my stress levels too.

L is very VERY good with numbers and has also offered to help me get set up with a proper system for going forward so that no matter how far behind I am with the paperwork ... I won't ever get MORE behind.

Where would we be without great friends?

Anyway, I've taken my pill for the night ... so I'm off to bed!

2.45am "restless legs" and late night mutterings

I DESERVE sleep. I don't deserve to have heavy restless legs that won't leave me alone. After all I have been through over the last few days, I DESERVE to get a good night's sleep. I spent the evening fairly chilled and relaxed, watched some TV then went to bed around 11pm. Unfortunately an hour later at just past midnight I was still laying there and my legs just felt so heavy and uncomfortable. Restless is the best way to describe it and it sucks.

I got up, made a hot cocoa, had a smoke, watched some Sex in the City re-runs and attempted sleep again around 1am. That didn't last long - it's now getting on for 3am ... I have to be up in just over four hours and for the third night in a row, I'll have had bugger all sleep.

Half naked cleaning & candle parties!

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet today because I am exhausted!! I went into work early for a Saturday to do some work before a candle party at 3.30pm this afternoon... and I found myself on a cleaning & re-arranging mission!! It was soooooo warm in there and I was worried about getting myself all dirty before the party!

Anyhoo, the ONLY thing to do was to strip right down so I was literally just wearing my 3/4 length trousers and my bra while I packed up some orders! Thankfully I'm on the top floor so nobody can see in through the windows! LOL! I had the music blaring and got so thoroughly into my semi-naked cleaning at the workshop that I left a bit late for the party and only just made it on time! Oooops!

So meanwhile it's just after 9pm and I am knackered!! That's the trouble with working HARD late in the afternoon ... it finishes me off for the rest of the day! Methinks a bath and an early night is in order!!

Half term H*LL

Well if you hadn't already guessed it's been a helluva week and it's only Tuesday. UGH. Yeah, and this is pretty much how I am feeling!!!

It's not that the kids haven't behaved themselves, but it's just so hard to keep them amused/entertained without relying on the TV or their computers when I still have to go into the workshop, and still have to clean up the house and work on website stuff etc. If I had the money I'd send them off to a half term club where they get stimulation, activities and lots of fun .... *sigh* one day!

On the upside, the Sun newspaper is doing £19.50pp holidays to Europe ... I am so collecting the vouchers! I wanna take the kids on a decent holiday this year!

Still, I'm back to feeling melancholy again. I realised I hadn't taken my happy pill yesterday so I'm wondering if that's why, but they take such a long time to build up in your system that I doubt missing the odd one would make a huge difference ... that's why you have to be weaned off of them.

Ugh I don't know! I just wish I knew where I was heading and where I'm going. I need to know that all of this stress and struggle is actually going to be worth it in the long run, or whether I am just simply wasting my time ...

If it feels like a Monday, then it probably is!!!

Ooops I didn't get around to writing anything yesterday because I spent most of the day packaging up a whole bunch of these 3 stacks of votives to take to a craft show this coming weekend! It's only a small local one for 3 hours ... so I didn't want to invest too much time into building stock for it and I don't want to be carting all of the stock votives and baskets out just for a few short hours!!! Sooo I'm taking as many of these votive stacks as I can in different scent combos - some florals, some fruits, perfumes, bakery & spice, fresh/feminine etc. The idea is that each set has different fragrances in and they are only £3.75 for a stack, so it's AFFORDABLE and I'm hoping that if people actually stop to look at what is on my table then they should be able to put their hand in their pocket for £3.75 and take something away!!

I am also going to take a load of different breakaway wax melts and put them in a big rummage basket because these are all things that I can keep in stock and re-use if they don't sell this weekend!

This will be a completely different sort of set up for me as I usually just purely take single wrapped votives in their baskets. It will be interesting to see if it makes a difference to the money that I take!

Other than that I am TIRED today! I have had a bit of a sore throat for a few days that hasn't really amounted to anything, but I've just been really run down, under the weather and full of BLAH today!

Fart in a Trance?? Surely not!!

I think I have possibly just about recovered from my two mega late nights - or is that early mornings!!! (I didn't go right to bed last night either - I couldn't help doing a bit more to the website!!!) but I have still been a "fart in a trance" as B affectionately called me today at work!!

I showed a friend my website this afternoon and lets just say the reaction I got to it was EXACTLY why I have stayed up late over the last couple of days and been working pretty much solidly on it!!! I still have a phenomenal amount of work to do on it ... after all, it's only the front page that I've done so far and even that still needs tweaking with the final photos, but it LOOKS exactly how I had pictured it ... no, it's BETTER than I had pictured it!!

I've known this complete re-design has been needed for a while but I've just not had the motivation to do it!! It was a friend who turned around to me recently and said "you know Dee, considering you call yourself an amateur photographer and have a fucking good camera ... the pictures on your website are complete shit!"

I like to consider myself a straight talking kinda gal and if something needs saying then you can always rely on me to say it! I don't beat around the bush and I call a spade a spade ... but when my friend said that to me about my photos on the existing website, being so crappy, I realised that people very rarely talk back to me so straight!!! I've had so many compliments on the website from so many customers ... saying it's a great design, easy to navigate, easy on the eye etc, but nobody has really pointed out the fact that the photography really could be better ... and I was too "involved" to see it myself.

I just feel so incredibly motivated at the moment. I feel it in my bones that the revamped website will make a huge difference to business, and I'm all hyped up about working towards a shop!! I have been in a really good place emotionally and mentally for the last month or so. It's been a long time since I felt that way!!

I am also eternally grateful to a good friend who speaks the blatant truth!!!

It's official - I'm a genius - albeit a very tired one!!

Okay yes so I am a genius! I KNEW I would pay for my late night by being overtired today, but it doesn't matter... it was SO worth it! I had been a little worried that looking at it all in the cold light of day would reveal several errors and mistakes, but the truth is ... it looked good!!! The start that I made on the re-vamped website in the wee small hours really did pay off,so my tiredness today has been a happy balance!

B was in at work for a couple of hours, so I took the opportunity to leave when she did! I spent most of the afternoon drifting between working on the website, watching crap daytime TV and quietly drifting off to sleep! I set my phone alarm to beep at 2.50pm to get the kids just incase I fell deeply asleep instead of merely inspecting the insides of my eyelids!

I also had what would have previously been a "Major Stress Event" this afternoon when my laptop lead finally packed up! I knew it wasn't going to last forever but seriously ... when I was bang slap in the middle of a "flow of inspiration" this afternoon was a REALLY bad time! Thankfully I managed to stay calm, be resourceful and phone around local computer shops until I tracked one down!!!

A few months ago that could have been another meltdown!!! Praise be to the god of happy pills for keeping me sane!!!!

It's nearly midnight and I have forced myself to stay up to a "normal" bedtime for me ... I've got the website to the point where the main index page is totally done aside from replacing photos with new ones (a whole other new project!!) and minor tweaking!!!!

Feeling tired, worn out, baggy eyed .... but very chuffed with myself!!!

Work stuff & general update

Okay well in the few days since I've blogged (not counting the fact that this is actually my 3rd post today!) things have calmed down a LOT.

Home seems to be more stress free and I'm honestly not sure if it's just because I am more aware of things that stress me out now and I am trying to avoid or eliminate them ... or whether it's the happy pills chilling me out, or if it's because hub and the kids are all making more of an effort not to piss me off so much!

It's probably a combination of all of the above!

Work is also kind of up to date. Friday was a really manic busy morning! B was in and between us we cracked out ALL of the orders that needed to be packaged and boxed up by the time her shift was over, then I spent the rest of Friday afternoon feeling like complete crap! I was cold, shivery and tired and just felt bllleeeueuuuuugghhhh .... you know the feeling! Saturday I wasn't feeling much better and by 9.30pm Saturday evening I was tucked up in bed!!

Bit of a lazy day today too - got up at 9.30am after a gorgeous 12 hours sleep and worked on the website. I should have gone into the workshop, but it's been time well spent today!

So yeah, after the meltdown in Sainsburys a couple of weeks ago it's all been relatively calm. I do think the tablets are definitely working now as my friends have commented that I don't seem to be as harrassed and strung out as "normal" ... so that's a good thing!

I just wish they didn't make me so TIRED! I think last night was the best nights sleep that I've had in a long time and I feel a lot better for it.

Well that wasn't so bad!!!

Wellll, my jaunt around the M25 last night in my effort for good customer service was actually a really good journey! It was all pretty much straight roads ... A27, A23, M23, M25 ... and no heavy traffic despite warnings saying there would be long delays ... and the lady lived literally two minutes away from the junction where I left the M25 so it was a no stress trip!! I was home by 10pm ... but admittedly asleep within an hour! Madness really ... three hours in the car solid driving with the round trip and it knackered me out!

So today? I have plans for absolute nothingness between now and my candle party tonight!!! Ah bliss!!

Saturday Shmaturday

If you work hard and do your best,
You get the sack like all the rest.
But if you laze and mess about,
You live to see the job right out.
The work is hard, the pay is small,
so take your time and **** them all!
For when you're dead you'll be forgot,
Don't try and do the bloody lot,
Or on your tombstone, neatly laquered
These three words ... "just bleedin' knackered".

I don't know who wrote that, where I heard it or why I remembered it! I *think* it was on a plaque in the bathroom while I was growing up. Anywhoo, it sums up my day today!

Candle parties are like a cross between the devil and the chocolate cake section at Harrods! I LOVE them as it's guaranteed sales ie guaranteed MONEY, but gawd do they knacker me out! I have to be 100% the hostess and 100% smiles not matter how ratty I am feeling and I have to be sociable and happy for several hours ... and that kind of mental exhaustion just wipes me out for the rest of the day!

Back into work tomorrow to replace everything from today and re-box it all up ready for another party on Monday night! Woohoo mama may get to buy more shoes this week!!

Ohh and I MUST post about what my VERY astute son said to me this morning when I was all stressy and turned into a Fire Breathing Dragon ... but I'll save that for tomorrow when my head is working better!!