Still hurtin' :-)

Today has been awful. I dosed myself up with pain killers last night before I went to bed and I did sleep okay so that was a bonus. The headache and toothache woke me up at stupid o'clock this morning and I have hardly been able to shift it since then.

I have new pics of my seeds etc but feel too crappy to post about that! I'll update on that when I'm feeling better! LOL

My period ... plus headache & toothache - oh joy, lucky me

It is official - I have the killer period from hell. I could probably cope with the stomach cramps, the lower backache and being slightly more emotional than usual - but damnit my body has to throw in an evil toothache and then just to finish me off completely, a headache too.

Short version of the day - my stress levels have been rising VERY VERY high and I've had a couple of "small" panic attacks throughout the day. A friend actually witnessed a part of it - and no matter what, I always try not to let people see how bad I can get when my anxiety and stress levels rise.

Thankfully, the friend who was there turned out to be the perfect person to talk me through it. I don't know what I would have done without being able to just talk and breathe and that point and have someone just listen, tell me I CAN get through this and remind me of light at the end of the tunnel.

I'd had a headache all day, but by the time I had picked up the kids from school, the toothache was much worse, and that was the point the headache seriously kicked in and made me wonder whether it was actually a migraine instead of just a headache. I took a first dose of pain killers at that point, then by 4pm I felt myself going downhill rapidly.

I did some research earlier and I think I have what is very affectionately termed "menstrual migraine" caused by a drop in oestrogen ... remember I'd had no period for 3 months and then I decided to stop taking the pill so I could try to have a natural cycle (it's been six weeks since I stopped the pill) so there is my reduction in oestrogen!

I feel dizzy and off balance like I've been on a roundabout and my head is killing me. Bright lights make it worse and all the while I stay relatively still, it hurts less. Moving around definitely makes it much worse.

So hi ho, hi ho it's off to take more pills I go ....

If it feels like a Monday, then it probably is!!!

Ooops I didn't get around to writing anything yesterday because I spent most of the day packaging up a whole bunch of these 3 stacks of votives to take to a craft show this coming weekend! It's only a small local one for 3 hours ... so I didn't want to invest too much time into building stock for it and I don't want to be carting all of the stock votives and baskets out just for a few short hours!!! Sooo I'm taking as many of these votive stacks as I can in different scent combos - some florals, some fruits, perfumes, bakery & spice, fresh/feminine etc. The idea is that each set has different fragrances in and they are only £3.75 for a stack, so it's AFFORDABLE and I'm hoping that if people actually stop to look at what is on my table then they should be able to put their hand in their pocket for £3.75 and take something away!!

I am also going to take a load of different breakaway wax melts and put them in a big rummage basket because these are all things that I can keep in stock and re-use if they don't sell this weekend!

This will be a completely different sort of set up for me as I usually just purely take single wrapped votives in their baskets. It will be interesting to see if it makes a difference to the money that I take!

Other than that I am TIRED today! I have had a bit of a sore throat for a few days that hasn't really amounted to anything, but I've just been really run down, under the weather and full of BLAH today!

A week hardly worthy of note!!!

LOL well it's true! It's been pretty much a "non week" really. I was a bit unwell at the start of this week .... not "ill" - just wasn't feeling right and had a few cold type symptoms that had me feeling under the weather. I guess it made me just kinda un-motivated and a bit crappy really! LOL

Orders at work have been slow but still coming in at the moment, and considering a recent stock market crash in the USA and talk of recession very much over the news ... I'm still fairly confident that things are going okay!

I have organised a new accountant as well. They are coming in on Tuesday next week to look things over and hopefully I can just hand over my boxes of paperwork and they will get me all nicely up to date!! That will actually then be the LAST thing off of my worry list when the tax man is off my back!

Talking of my worry list -- I have noticed that some of my stress symptoms are coming back again ... the "bubbling" in the pit of my stomach and the way it starts to rush all the way throughout my body. I CAN control it though, and I'm sure that's down to my happy pills! As soon as I feel it start, I am aware of it and I can control it until it reduces and fades away. This is a very good thing!

Today (Friday) is an inset day at school - Nathan made me laugh hysterically when he called it "insect day!" LOL .... visions of creepy crawlies and bugs! We did agree that it should forever more be called insect day though! LOL

I've taken the day off work as hub is in London and the kids are off school with "insect day" .... soooo I am in the middle of a mass house clean - Dee always feels better when she lives in a shiny sparkly world! :-)

Work stuff & general update

Okay well in the few days since I've blogged (not counting the fact that this is actually my 3rd post today!) things have calmed down a LOT.

Home seems to be more stress free and I'm honestly not sure if it's just because I am more aware of things that stress me out now and I am trying to avoid or eliminate them ... or whether it's the happy pills chilling me out, or if it's because hub and the kids are all making more of an effort not to piss me off so much!

It's probably a combination of all of the above!

Work is also kind of up to date. Friday was a really manic busy morning! B was in and between us we cracked out ALL of the orders that needed to be packaged and boxed up by the time her shift was over, then I spent the rest of Friday afternoon feeling like complete crap! I was cold, shivery and tired and just felt bllleeeueuuuuugghhhh .... you know the feeling! Saturday I wasn't feeling much better and by 9.30pm Saturday evening I was tucked up in bed!!

Bit of a lazy day today too - got up at 9.30am after a gorgeous 12 hours sleep and worked on the website. I should have gone into the workshop, but it's been time well spent today!

So yeah, after the meltdown in Sainsburys a couple of weeks ago it's all been relatively calm. I do think the tablets are definitely working now as my friends have commented that I don't seem to be as harrassed and strung out as "normal" ... so that's a good thing!

I just wish they didn't make me so TIRED! I think last night was the best nights sleep that I've had in a long time and I feel a lot better for it.

No CHOCOLATE and no CHEESE?

I am officially a “Dairy Free Zone!” I had an appointment with the doctor today and she seems to agree with me that my throwing up could possibly be a food intolerance (dairy/lactose) as all of the other tests have been normal so far.

I also had nachos last night - lots and lots of cheese and I even remember thinking "let's see if I'm sick in the morning!" As soon as my eyes were open today I was retching. Not good. It WOULD explain why I don't feel sick every day too - some days I am totally fine, other days I am a little nauseous, sometimes I'm sick and then sometimes it's pretty violent full on up chuck. Sorry for the description!!!!

Soooo, for 2 weeks I need to avoid all dairy products completely to see if it makes a difference. IF I don’t feel sick over the next couple of weeks then I can gradually re-introduce dairy products and see what my reaction is to it the next day. This way I can work out my tolerance levels. If it IS dairy intolerance then I will probably still be okay with the odd bit of dairy as long as I try to avoid anything heavily cheesy or have to bear in mind that the following day I’ll be feeling sick. So for the next 2 weeks this girl is a vegan!

... who loves CHOCOLATE and can't eat any for two weeks!!

Meanwhile I am also being referred to a gastric specialist just to check out that my inside bits are all working as they should, so with that and the no more dairy we’ll see! Admittedly I finished off my Green & Blacks organic chocolate as soon as I got home from the doctor because there was no way THAT was being wasted, but that marked the start of the official “Dairy Free Zone.”

I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 12 years old – that’s twenty years but I had NEVER planned on being vegan!

If I am still being sick with the dairy free diet and the gastric stuff is normal, then the only explanation is that it is a very real physical manifestation of stress. I’m going to make a real concentrated effort to try to eliminate as many of my stressors as I can, and find ways to live with those that are unavoidable. Stress reduction - even just by a little can only be a good thing!! I’ll post about it here as I go as it will be an interesting journey.

No more ....

Chocolate
Cheese
Chocolate
Butter/spreads
Milk/Cream
Chocolate
Yoghurt
Chocolate
Chocolate
Ice cream
Chocolate Ice Cream

Did I also mention that I can't have any chocolate for TWO WEEKS?

What if the Wispa project collapses and Cadburys stop making them because I'm not buying up my fair share of the 23 million bars that are out there over the next 2 weeks? You guys had better go buy them on my behalf!

I did have a glass of wine and a smoke in a candlelit bubble bath tonight with the spa jets going ... relaxation attempt #1!!

Poorly ill & sick ... and a lil bit melancholic :-(

I didn't sleep well over the weekend so I think that was probably the start of it. I had one of those weird stress lumps in my throat and I've been so TIRED but just not able to sleep :-( I don't think I've put much about being sick in my blog so far, but around March time I started being sick in the mornings. It is definitely not morning sickness as it would have to be the immaculate conception *grin*

Anyway I started to notice that it was happening not every day, but most days. To be honest in the beginning I just got used to it as it seemed to be brought on by strong smells first thing in the morning like toast for the kids breakfast, or someone having a shower with the scent of the shampoo, or even coffee ... my beloved morning coffee had to stop because I couldn't smell it without throwing up let alone drink it.

Anyway after I realised it had been going on for 6 months and even the immaculate conception morning sickness wouldn't last for that long without at least showing a lil bump in front! My friends actually started saying to me "errr it's not really right to be throwing up like that!" So off to the doctor I went. I had blood tests, urine tests etc which all came back normal. I don't have diabetes, my liver and kidney functions are fine and there was no apparent obvious reason for it.

When I went back to get the results I had to see a different doctor who put me on these reflux tablets - ie anti acid and I've had to take those for the past month to rule that out. I've got to make an appointment to go back soon and hopefully find out the next stage. She'd mentioned sending me to a gastric specialist so fingers crossed we can kick that off.

This morning I won't go into detail, but lets just say it's been getting worse for a while now. It's definitely not healthy and it's not good for my kids to see me like that. I get up off the bathroom floor with tears in my eyes from vomiting and I have no strength or energy.

I think it's stress related. It's always worse when I am feeling stressed or down in general.

I gave up on work this morning, I had to - felt too awful. I sent out the essential orders then came home and I have been sat on the sofa at home surfing eBay on my laptop ever since! The house is a complete pigsty and for once I don't really care! I just feel like sitting here and not moving a muscle until I have to crawl up to the school later to pick the kids up!!