Hangover is not the word!!!!

Yesterday was great fun!! I went over to Lou's straight after work to take photos of her daughter (R, who is 16) before she went off to her prom! Ohh she looked beautiful - well, all of the girls did ... and it scared me looking at how grown up they all looked because it forced me to think about how that will be me sending Megan off to her prom one day!

Anyway, after we'd seen Ria off, we went for a few drinks in Brighton, then found a nice place to have a meal, then back to Lou's where we indulged in several bottles of wine and put the world to rights before finally dragging ourselves to bed at 4.30am!!

Oooops .... needless to say I woke up feeling decidedly squiffy this morning but as it was self inflicted I couldn't give myself any sympathy so I hauled arse into work to do some packing!

I am definitely DEFINITELY aiming to do the market next week. I've finally found somewhere that I can get the perfect size tables from too! I'd been in a bit of a flap because I'd found tables half the size I wanted from Argos and figured I'd just get two of them ... but UGH they were out of stock, and the closest other stores didn't have them either! If I don't have tables, I don't have a stall! Anyway, a flash of inspiration this evening and I've found them at B&Q plus checked stock and they have them...

Happy bunny!

So anyway, an early night tonight sans alcohol fresh for tomorrow - a full day at work to get as much as possible done!!

The best Friday the 13th EVER!!!!

OMG it turned out to be such a wicked day in the end!! I had a meeting with my bank manager this morning and it went very well. The whole purpose of the meeting was an annual business review, but we talked about my cash flow problems and ways to resolve them ... and she waived my bank charges for this month and also increased my overdraft for a month to cover all of the direct debits due to go out. This means that during the period that the website has been down and I have zero coming in from WorldPay (which is paid to me 28 days after processing) ... I don't have to worry about the bank outgoings. That's a huge relief.

She offered me a business credit card - and I said no! I was proud of myself!! I was sitting there thinking hmmm it would be a nice easy way out RIGHT NOW - I could order a load of fragrances and a butt load of wax, but it wouldn't help in a months time when the payment was due in full!! Sooo instead I'll be getting a debit card which will help enormously and save me having to give my mum cash and borrow her card!!

THEN .... completely out of the blue this afternoon ... my wonderful friend L lent me the money to get the website back online AND pay the set up fee for NetBanx so that the cash flow issue won't BE an issue as NetBanx clear the funds to my account within 7 days instead of 28! NetBanx will take a couple of weeks to set up, but it means that when I hit the period where I have naff all coming in from WorldPay ... it will only be a week until the NetBanx payments come in and I can suffer through a week!!

It's just been such an amazing day, and to think, this morning I was ready to vent! Sitting here right now I can't even remember what I was going to vent about! Hehehee Ahhh it's just nice to have a smile on my face and feel positive! Where would I be without my close friends!

Part of what has been so amazing is L's complete and utter belief in me. It means a lot to know that there is someone outside of my immediate family who cares enough about me and believes enough in me, my products and my potential to achieve more in the future ... to hand over a wad of cash to help me out!! That shows a lot of trust and it means a lot.

Dee took a day off! Wow and mega double wow!!!!

It's a little after midnight so technically Saturday, but heck it's Friday night until I go to bed! LOL

I took the day off today. It was the last day of half term for the children and I knew that even if I went into the workshop and poured my backside off that nothing would be finished to dispatch today ... and being Friday, even if it WAS dispatched today it would just sit in the courier warehouse all weekend! Much better for me to de-stress today and go in all weekend to catch up and dispatch everything Monday for delivery on Tuesday!

I didn't have a complete day off tho (well it IS me!) I helped Nathan clean his room up, did some housework, repotted my tomato plants and worked on the business website redesign.

The current version of the website just isn't working for me. It needs to be slicker and more up to date, so I've been working on designing a basic template for the index page that I can use for the rest of the website. It's looking good so far!

Went into work this evening and saw a friend for a bit - a nice way to finish off the day!

Me & my lil sis

I have just spoken to my sis on the phone and decided that it was time to dedicate a blog post to her!

This is us with our mum taken in New York last year (May 07) a few days before Sis's wedding. I'm on the left, Mum in the middle and Sis on the right.

Sis and I have had a weird relationship over the last few years (until recently), and I guess weird is probably the best way to describe it! She and I are VERY unalike as people (despite the physical resemblance!) and I'm not exactly sure when we stopped being close ... but somehow we did. We had a couple of years of really just losing touch with each other as people and our relationship as sisters suffered naturally as a result.

The thing is ... out of almost nowhere really it has ended up all coming so naturally (our relationship I mean), and all uncoincidentally timed with her move back to the area instead of being over an hour away which means that I can see more of her and she's closer literally as well as emotionally!!

She moved just a couple of weeks ago, but I would say for at least the last couple of months we have got on SO well! We are closer than ever before and it has been so natural! Instead of worrying about what we'd talk about on the phone, I call her just for a chat when I've got nothing major going on just to find out what she's been up to over the last few days (because I AM really interested in her life!) ... and she rang me while I was at the show the other day to let me know she'd been out and about and drummed up some interest from a couple of shops that are now interested in stocking my candles!! I was so utterly surprised that she did that for me out of nowhere ... but it wasn't really out of nowhere ... it's just the natural relationship that we have now!!

It's been so terrific to have a new "friend" as well. I'm really not sure what switched our relationship back on again, but it's been terrific. I love it and just know that going forward, Sis and I have a whole new friendship to explore!

I can also finally reveal to the general public that we also have a new "thing" together!! Sis discovered she has a very natural talent for scrapbooking! A few weeks ago, I put aside the entire weekend to spend with Sis working on a gift for her husband as a first anniversary present. We pretty much did a whole entire scrapbook over those two days ... and this is what Sis did all by herself ...

Know what? It was most definitely the best page in the whole album!! I may have created a monster!!

Ugh, I should really get back to my paperwork!

I just wanted to say ... Sis, if you are reading this then I love you to bits and I am so glad that we are back on track. In just the last few months, I truly feel we are closer to than ever before and I'm glad you are back in my life properly :-)

Ack okay soppiness over ... back to the paperwork!

I'm gonna be a paperwork QUEEN!!!

The majority of my crap stuff paperwork has now been sorted into date order, and it has only taken the sum total of a couple of hours a day over the last 3 days. How sad is that? I truly am kicking myself for not doing this sooner - especially considering how quickly I've managed to get through it all since Friday afternoon and how far behind I had allowed myself to get. I could have done this months ... years ago. I will never EVER be in a position where I don't know my numbers (or at least be able to lay my hands on the info right away!) ever again!!

Okay there is still a LONG way to go to get to zero, but the worst part of going through the boxes and organising it into date is done! Next step is to make sure I have all my bank statements dating right back so that I can go through it all and meticulously record every single outgoing and incoming through the bank, and then file all of my cash receipts. Alongside that I've installed new accounts software on my laptop so I am going to find *everything* from 1st April this year so that at least going forward my tax year from 08-09 will be 100% in order!!

I couldn't have done it without L's help! Just having such a close friend in my corner who knows me well enough to say "Dee, you're a great candlemaker and your product truly is terrific, but you are fucking shite with your paperwork!" has been just what I needed to motivate me! LOL there aren't many people who actually have the BALLS to stand up to me, but L is one of them! L has been there for me in a way I hadn't ever seen coming - and I am truly grateful.

I need to prove I can do it ... not to anyone else, but to myself! I am my own worst enemy and I know it! God, I feel so motivated right now and so ready for tomorrow!! Lemme at Monday morning so I can get started on my "to do" list and make some phone calls!

Things are getting a shake up around here!

Okay, first thing first ... I am ready to get back on the world again.

It's amazing what a good nights sleep can do for a girl! I went to bed around 11pm and I don't even remember "trying" to get to sleep. I woke up this morning feeling soooooooo refreshed and ready to start the day. It's been a long time since I felt that.

Pull up a pew - this is going to be a long one!!

I've had a good day today - no, a damned good day! Things are changing around here! I am no longer going to sit around on my backside (figuratively speaking!) and wait for my luck to change. It's time to do something about it myself!!

I pulled together the paperwork I have at home that I could find to hand and took that all into work this morning. I knew I wouldn't have time to really start going through it, but I DID make one big pile of all of the boxes of invoices and paperwork in the workshop and start to get organised. It's the most I've actually done towards it in a long time (being perfectly honest) and it felt good just to make a START on it.

I've promised myself I will spend at least half an hour during each day I'm at the workshop going through the big pile and beginning to sort it into smaller organised files. Just doing that much has already made me feel motivated towards really getting my shit sorted.

Plus, look what I found in the stationary shop in town when I was buying pretty things to file my crap paperwork in (c'mon it's me!!!) I mean how cool is this!?!?!

What girl wouldn't want to get organised when she has pretty folders and pink tak!! It's apparently a limited edition to support breast cancer and I'm all for supporting any of the cancer charities ... especially when you get pink tak! Hehehe!

Soooo at work today I got LOTS of boxes packed, and started a new system for tracking orders in the workshop. I've designed a form that has a box I will fill in as soon as the order is printed with the date the order is received, whether it was phone or internet (with the order number) and the customer's name & postcode. The dispatch date will then be filled in with the tracking number! This way I can see exactly how long it's taking me to fill orders and, keep track of the weekly figures. Yeah yeah, I know ... I should have done that anyway from the beginning, but I'm doing it now!

This afternoon by the time I'd got in from work and picked the kids up, I was pretty exhausted and still needing to catch up on sleep, but I still managed a body pump class at the gym! I'm determined to sort myself out - inside AND out! Although I do pump at the workshop with my bar, there is nothing better than someone else standing there telling you to push it harder!!!

Sooo it's time for a shower, then I'm gonna take a pill and watch Sex in the City re-runs!!

2 pep talks, good friends & sleeping pills!

God what a day. I managed to fall asleep around 4am - then my alarm went off at 7.30 which is the absolute latest I can get up in the morning and still manage to leave the house in time to get the kids to school.

I did take me to the doctor this morning though for a repeat prescription of my happy pills. She was really great and listened to all of my waffle about my lack of sleep and my weird tingling & heavy legs, and then asked me if I've had any increased activity and any increased stress! It was all I could do not to laugh because err yes and hell yes in that order! She said all of the things I described (and it's definitely called restless legs) were all more symptoms of anxiety and that re-joining the gym and getting more exercise is changing the natural rhythm of my body and that it should settle down. She gave me a bit of a pep talk about staying positive and trying to be more optimistic than pessimistic.

... she also gave me something to help me sleep. I've got 10 days worth of Zopiclone which is apparently a "hypnotic" drug. It decreases the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep ... and increases the amount of time you stay asleep so I shouldn't wake in the middle of the night unless I need the loo or something!!!

This afternoon I popped over to see a friend - and got my second pep talk of the day! L has been a really good friend for the last couple of years and totally "gets" me. L kinda sat there this afternoon and kicked me up the ass (figuratively speaking!) and told me pretty much point blank that if I want to get out of this situation then I HAVE to do something about it .... and fast. The truth is, once I've got the paperwork sorted, it'll be a huge weight off my mind and will probably go a very long way to reducing my stress levels too.

L is very VERY good with numbers and has also offered to help me get set up with a proper system for going forward so that no matter how far behind I am with the paperwork ... I won't ever get MORE behind.

Where would we be without great friends?

Anyway, I've taken my pill for the night ... so I'm off to bed!

A bloody fantastic day!!!

Today has been CRAZY and BUSY and I am totally exhausted! LOL It was WELL worth it though! I spent the day helping a special someone create a special something for another special someone!!! I can't say ANY more than that as I know at least one of those someones occasionally stops by my blog ... and if the other someone gets wind of what we've been up to ... well the special something won't be as much of a surprise!!!

I know ... that's totally beyond cryptic to anyone other than me and the two other people involved in creating this surprise ... but I promise there is photos and I will be able to reveal all in about oooh 3 weeks!! My lips are sealed and until the secret is revealled to the other person ... then I can't say a word!!!

GOSH it's so exciting!!! I LOVE being involved in other people's secrets!!!

All I can say is that I have had an absolutely BRILLIANT day and it's renewed my "mojo" I feel passionate, creative and - ack, just happy! It's been a great day!!

Is happiness overrated?

I have been discussing my "dilemma" that I can't post about here with a close friend. She said (and I quote directly!) "Its just mustering up the courage to admit to yourself what you really want with your life."

Damnit I hate it when my friends force me to THINK! Thinking is infinitely dangerous .... but the it is nearly 2am in the morning and I can't sleep ... so thinking may therefore be a GOOD thing.

... ack at any rate I'm thinking ... therefore I am blogging!!!

So ... it's just a case of admitting to yourself what you really want with your life? It's something you think you already know the answer to (especially as a 30 something mother of two!) BUT, the scary thing is, until you actually have to sit down and answer that question you don't necessarily know.

So .... what DO I want from my life?

• I want my children to be happy and for them to have the absolutely best life I can possibly give them, even when it means personal sacrifice.
• I want to wake up in the mornings with a smile on my face, knowing it's a brand new day with brand new opportunities just there for the taking.
• I want the freedom to get paid for something I love doing, while having flexible working hours to fit around my children.
• To live "comfortably." ie have the bills paid, food in the cupboards, clothes on my back and enough pennies leftover in my bank account to be able to buy a gorgeous pair of shoes when the odd occasional urge strikes me without fear of great debt or having to hide them and lie about the cost (not that I have EVER done that!)
• To live near the ocean ALWAYS. I need to be somewhere not far from the water but also somewhere that has countryside and nature so I can escape to solitude when I want to ... but it also has to be close enough "real life", meeting new people and decent shopping!! Basically I need a waterfront, countryside house in the middle of a thriving metropolis! That's not too much to ask, right?
• I want to live in a house where the kitchen is the heart and hub of the home. I want my kids to be there at the table doing their homework as I am cooking dinner, chatting to them and spending time with them.
• I desperately want to have time to stop and smell the flowers every now and again. Maybe photograph a few of them too!
• To spend more time scrapbooking, making cards and just being creative.
• Friends that I can 100% rely on to be there for me as I would be there for them.
• I want to be at least HALF the mother to my kids that my mother was to me. This could be a whole separate post on it's own ... LOL I mean that I want to be there for them - a friend as well as a parent and to have a mutually respectful relationship with them both.
• I want to be happy. Content isn't enough. I need to be happy.
• Another baby. I can't help it. It's on my want list.

What I DON'T want .....

• I don't want my children to suffer in any way, shape or form based on a bad decision that I make.
• I hate having to rely on prescription anti-depressants to reduce my anxiety attacks and the permanent feeling of "impending doom" that I currently live with on a daily basis.
• I don't want to be stressed anymore. These days I get stressed to the point that I can potentially have several panic attacks a day and it's affecting so many other areas of my life as well.
• I don't want to be constantly *and I do mean constantly* worried about money and debts. Everybody is entitled to the odd money worry (apart from the rich bastards!) but I know I probably worry TOO much and if I were just to bite the bullet ...
• I never want to lose touch with good friends. It occurred to me writing this that there is a really good friend - C who I have known for YEARS whose birthday it is tomorrow ... and who I haven't seen or spoken to in almost a year... I feel dreadful about that. She could have just as easily picked up the phone to me - but for whatever reason we've kinda lost touch. I need to re-kindle some old friendships to make sure they don't die.
• To make the wrong decision.
• To compromise for the sake of "an easy life".

There, that wasn't so hard - it's just a mega HUGE list that I could never achieve... that I could also keep adding to and adding to the more I think about it!! I'm going to stop now or I really could be here all night and it's late enough already!

Maybe happiness is over-rated after all.

Mundane Wednesday stuff!

I was chatting to a friend a few days ago about my seedlings and she was all enthusiastic, saying she'd seen the pics on my blog and said how much they had grown!! I was a bit taken aback because I hadn't really thought that people actually read my blog! LOL

I don't exactly write about news, politics, finance or current issues (other than anything that really strikes me and I remember to write about it!!) ... I guess I always thought that my life --- is --- pretty boring! LOL I just write about my daily mundane ... well ... stuff!!

Why blog then? Some would say that blogging is narcissistic, and a waste of time... (and they are probably right!) Why do I blog though? To be truthful I've always kept a journal anyway ... I'm such a forgetful klutz and it's a really good thing to be able to look back and think ohhh yeah I did such and such on that day! I always wrote my journal by hand before until I realised I was spending so much time online in the evenings or working on my laptop anyway (website stuff etc) that I may as well journal online too!

It's weird - it gets to around 10pm in the evening and if I haven't blogged/journalled that day then my fingers just feel itchy! It's like the dream where you realise you are nekkid in public ... it just aint right! I even find myself mentally noting things that happen during the day and thinking "I'll blog about that later!"

Is there a support group for blogaholics? An online one preferably! LOL

Today in general? Not so bad! I finished the re-vamp of the wholesale website ... so fingers crossed that will bring in some nice extra business for me. Also, now the site is finished, I plan on sending out an (unspam) mailing to selected online companies with a special offer on any wholesale orders placed before the end of May ... again fingers crossed!

It's the same all over though ... I don't think it really matters what business you are in ... the economy is shite at the moment. FFS the banks won't even lend to each other at the moment, first time buyers have no hope of getting a mortgage .... what hope does a lil candlemaker have of staying in business?

A good Sunday always involves gardening :-)

Yeah it's been a good day today! I went into work for a bit but can't do a huge amount until my wax delivery on Tuesday, so I've been doing packaging and working on the website updates mainly. It is soooo frustrating having the kids on school holidays cutting my working hours, but even MORE frustrating that I have no wax!!

So anyway, this afternoon after I'd finished work ended up as a bit of an accidental brainstorming session to help a friend out! What started off as a conversation about (I believe it was my lettuces! LOL) ended up suddenly going off on a tangent with all kinds of ideas! It's always good to see your friends with a smile on their face too. I know most of my good friends are as stressed out in real life as I am, and seeing someone else smiling, motivated and positive made me feel that way too :-)

Aaaaaaaanyway teensy quick gardening update! My 3rd batch of lettuces have sprung up ALREADY!! I only planted them on THURSDAY last week! I checked them this morning and almost fell off my feet when I saw that the majority of them have popped up overnight! That is literally 3 days to germinate into baby seedlings!! Wow!! These are all the mixed spicy lettuce variety too - my favourites! The chervill seedlings are doing okay - as are the basil ones ... but no cucumbers yet... well, there IS one, but I am not entirely sure that it is a cucumber as I planted individual seeds in the middle of the cells and this little thing has popped up to one side. I can't see how weeds have found their way into compost stored in a conservatory ... so I will have to wait and see on those! Still - the 3 day lettuces have MORE than made up for it!

I'm getting old and sad huh! But I tell ya it makes me happy!

food and friends

Went over for a meal and a few drinkies with some friends last night. F and A have been together like forever and it had been way too long since we had seen each other. They knew about the probs between hub & I, but it didn't make a difference to the evening at all (just carefully avoided the subject! HAH) and A does cook the most amazing food!! We all had a lot to catch up on in the YEAR yes YEAR since we'd seen each other!!

A and I got chatting about photography and he showed me his new camera - he's a Nikon man! LOL I had to smile, I can't help it, I love my Canon camera! HAH Anyway ... he agreed with me that there is nothing better than going out for a day and just taking photographs of things that interest you!! The upshot of it is that we're going to get together for the day again - hub is going to take F out on his bike all day and A and I are going snapping!! Can't wait!

How can a good day turn into such a crap one?

I am in a sad mood. I wasn't, sad I mean. Earlier I was actually pretty happy and I'd had a fairly good day ... got lots done at work etc and been productive.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you'll know that just after Christmas I had a "falling out" with someone I am close to. I cant' go into detail on a public blog as to the who and why ... but let's just say after three months I sent this person a letter basically offering an olive branch. I have had "falling outs" with this person before, and no matter who has been at fault, I have always been the one to make the first move at resolution. I'd vowed to myself that this time I would leave it up to this other person ... but after three months and no contact I began to feel like I had just been cut out of this person's life.

Anyway, I was determined to give it ONE LAST SHOT .... I hand delivered a letter yesterday and I know it would have been read by late last night. I checked my phone this morning ... no message. All day I'd been checking my phone ... checking again and no message.

I sent a text message at midday to say that I knew this person would be leaving to go back home (they live a couple hours away and came for a visit, staying with family this weekend) and if they wanted to meet up for a chat then I could meet them before they left.

By the time a reply came through 3.5 hours later, they were already driving back.

I just feel so ... ugh ... I can't describe it. I feel let down. I feel sad, I feel like I am always the one who makes the first move and it's always down to me ... yet even after making all of this effort ... I still end up with nothing other than a heavy heart and tears in my eyes.

This person hadn't even told me that they were coming down this weekend - I found that out through the grapevine. I know that they have been really busy the whole entire weekend, but what would it have taken to send a text message and meet me for just half an hour to make some common ground to start from?

On the upside, the reply that I got was fairly friendly and there is a vague plan to meet up next time they are down... possibly next weekend. Here's hoping - I've missed having this person in my life.

BT are crap (oh and some other stuff!)

Today was a GOOD day! My friend T popped in for a chat at work and naturally got roped into helping me wick and package a huuuuuge enormous pile of votives while we nattered! I had to wait for the delivery of boxes to arrive before I could actually send anything out, but I am pleased to say that the boxes arrived just after lunchtime, so by the time I left today I'd got around 95% of the delayed orders dispatched so there will be lots of happy customers tomorrow!!

I HATE delaying orders for any reason whatsoever ... it is just unfortunate that recent circumstances over the last couple of weeks have meant it's been unavoidable. Still, I got a LOT done today and certainly by this weekend I will be totally caught up again. Plus, having T's help was fabulous ~ even if it was just for an hour! Bless her heart! T is getting married soon and of course I'll be doing her wedding favours and table decorations! She was excitedly telling me all her plans and it really put a smile on my face to see hers lit up so much! I've never met her fiance, but they used to be together years ago and even though they both moved on and met other people ... they got back in touch again and it was like the love that was always meant to be!

Soooo okay yeah the whole BT are crap bit (well they ARE!!!) UGH the problems I've had with them recently are a whole other story, but basically after resolving the latest problem, I had my account set up on direct debit to try to avoid any future problems. Guess what? It didn't work!

When I was in the workshop on Sunday, part way through the afternoon my internet connection dropped out. I did what I would usually do - check the leads to make sure I haven't accidentally kicked something out of place under the desk ... nope, all fine. Rebooted the computer and rebooted the router ... still no internet connection.

I phoned the BT status update helpline and found that they were having trouble, so thought nothing of it and figured I would wait until Monday. Come Monday I still have no internet connection ... the status helpline says that they are still experiencing technical difficulties, so I GRRRR quietly ... print off the overnight orders at home and take into work with me today. Guess what?

Still no internet connection! I decide enough is enough and I call the tech support helpline to make sure there isn't any other reason. After 20 minutes on hold I get through and am told that my account has been suspended!! DO WHAT? I resist screaming down the phone at the poor unsuspecting operator, but still I am quietly fuming. I am told he has to put me through to billing.

Sooooo after another gawd knows how long on hold, I get through to billing where I'm told that my account is showing as suspended but is definitely active and he even confirmed that they had my correct bank details and that there were no problems with the account!! Yeah right, so WHY DON'T I HAVE A FRIGGING INTERNET CONNECTION????? Seriously - I run an internet based business. If I have no internet connection then I am losing money when things are already slightly delayed anyway! It's NOT GOOD! Well he was no help whatsoever ... his exact words at one point were "there's a screen we can check when accounts are showing inactive which tells us whether they ARE active or not, and yours is active." Ok it may not be verbatim but that was what he was saying.

Billing bloke says I have to go back to tech support because my account is active and is nothing to do with them. After even more time on hold I get back through to tech support who say "what? your account is showing as active and just fine - have you rebooted?"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Have I rebooted?? FFS, I'm not a frigging computer newbie. I know damned well that as I refreshed the browser and it went from an error page to my google homepage that someone there in their little office at BT had pressed a little button that fixed it.

DOUBLE GRRRRRRRRRRR

Anyway!!! After taking full advantage of hub working from home and popping in on a friend for a natter on the way home .... it turned out to be not a bad day after all!

Miss Megan or Lil Miss Congeniality? LOL

Okay so a lil while ago I blogged about how I installed MSN messenger on my dear daughter Miss Megan's computer ... OMG she just made me laugh SO much I just HAD to write about it straight away (seeing as I am sat here on my laptop working on catalogues anyway)!

So, it's 8.50pm on Friday night (the children are allowed to stay up later on the weekends. She's in her bedroom chatting to her school friends on MSN (her friends list is strictly monitored!) and she comes into the lounge where I'm sat with my laptop ... and she looked at my MSN friends list and laughed as she said "I've got WAAAAY more friends on my friends list than you!"

Photo taken around 8.53pm this evening! LOL When I went in she had a chat room with four of her friends, plus two private chat windows ... PLUS a window chatting to me! Yeah she MSNs me from her bedroom even though we live in a bungalow and her bedroom is right opposite the lounge!

Ahhh technology!

An unbelievable day!

I got into the workshop this morning and knew even before I had put the key in the door that it wouldn’t be a good day! You know those days where you wake up with an unshakeable feeling of doom for no real reason?? You don’t get those days? Lucky you!

Grrrr ROAR

I can’t actually blog about what has got me down over the last few days because it’s private, but it has resulted in me not being fully in the workshop recently. As a result I am probably running a few days behind, but hadn’t overly worried knowing that other things needed to be put first (just for a couple of days) and that I would be going in over the weekend to catch up on everything then.

I switched the wax on, turned on the computer and had a look at the emails from the last couple of days, and there was one particular customer who has sent … I believe it was 24 emails I counted from this one person over the last couple of days since I’ve been into the workshop! The FIRST email wasn’t even a “can you confirm when my order was dispatched” type email – it launched straight into a personal attack on me! The emails that followed described how he hadn't had any faith in me even when he placed the order because of the long lead time (yes it sometimes takes 7-10 days to pour and dispatch larger orders, and occasionally we run a bit behind) . His emails were large bold type face and got progressively ruder. Some were literally the same email he was sending and forwarding to me every 10 minutes or so.

Thing was, this customer’s order was actually sent out the very next working day after it was received and what I SHOULD have done is sent a short and to the point reply stating that it has been dispatched and as it went out via Royal Mail he should contact his local post office to see if it had been left there. It was actually about 3 weeks ago that this box went out anyway so chances are it HAS been lost, but still.

His emails then got very spiteful and it totally became about a personal attack on me! He had obviously found my blog because he was quoting me from it on the Friday where I chose to take the day off and go out with my camera (that happened to be the day his order came in!) He had a go at me for taking the day off on that Friday and snapping photos when I should have been making his candles! He said I obviously had too many fingers in too many pies! How dare he?! I work HARD! I put a LOT into my business and trying to keep my customers happy, and simply because I choose to have HOBBIES outside of my “job” and because I happen to keep an online journal I am failing my customers now?

I work seven days a week most of the time and am in the workshop over the weekends. Am I WRONG for taking a day off every now and again? A little indulgence in some “me time” or one of my hobbies? Hell no!

So I was polite, but I let him know how I felt. He won’t be ordering again! I simply don’t have time for small minded people with big mouths… business or no business! It’s down to respect for other human beings!!

I shouldn’t have had to justify anything to him though – that’s the point. I spent a good half an hour replying to him … and it’s THAT which puts me behind!!! If he’d called sooner to let me know that there had been a problem – I would have looked into it sooner! I will ALWAYS fix problems for customers … but I can only fix things when I know they exist!!!!

Okay vent over.

The day actually took a turn for the better when I got a call from my friend T this afternoon... she'd worked for me off and on in the past helping out, and we'd been really good friends, but gradually lost touch.

It was SO out of the blue ... today of ALL days ... I got a call from her!!! It was bloody fantastic to talk to her! The bizarre thing was though ... I had not long left the workshop and just sat down when she rang ... she was calling FROM the workshop and I'd left the door unlocked!!

Talk about timing ... we haven't spoken properly or seen each other for about 9-10 months and then for her simply think "I'm going to go and visit Dee today" all out of the blue and turn up on the doorstep the only time I have ever forgotten to lock the door! Bizarre co-incidence!!!

It was great - we came back to my place for a cuppa and a natter, and had a really good catch up. It was just what I needed!!

And she procrastinates no more!!!

Oh it's been a bloody good Saturday! In fact, it's been a damn good week all round!!! Quick run down on the last few days I didn't blog ....

Thursday evening I went over to my mate Lisa's for a girlie chit chat over a couple bottles of wine... Lisa and I have known each other years and we know most of each other's deep dark secrets! We had a great night picking to pieces the men in our lives and generally plotting to take over the world *grin* like ya do .... LOL Got home pretty late - damned good night though!

Friday morning I did another dump run at work to get rid of the rubbish I cleared out of what will be my new office - it's looking soooo much better, but I reckon I've still got around 3 more trips to the dump to go yet :-( Ah well - at least I'm getting there!!! Then all I need is the wi-fi sorted and I can move my PC into there too - wooohooo!!

Nathan proudly showed me a HEAD TEACHER'S AWARD when he got out of school on Friday!!! Not just a merit from the teacher - but a headteacher's award. A handful of these are given every week to students but they are hard to get! Nathan said it was for work that he did, but until I speak to the head to confirm it, I will assume it's also for a general improvement in his overall behaviour recently too. He really has come on in leaps and bounds recently - and the head had commented on that when we spoke a week or so ago. Whatever it was for - I'm very proud of him! Of both of them :-) Megan is just generally well behaved anyway! LOL

Anyway after school on Friday Megan went off to play at Zara's house, and Nathan had his friend Oliver over here. It was only the 2nd or 3rd time that he's had someone over to play because of his behaviour problems, but he'd been really excited about this and apparently Oliver had too. They played really nicely together and it's always really good for me to spend time with other boys Nathan's age because it reassures me that some things are just "small boy" things and not just Nathan! LOL

Oliver was picked up at 6.30... and at 7.30, Adele brought Megan back home ... Megan and Zara disappeared into her room and I basically handed Adele a wine glass! LOL She and I ended up sitting chatting and smoking while the girls played ... and was around 11pm she went home!!!

Today ... well I didn't stir until 10am!! 10am?!?!?!! Crikey it's been a long time since I slept in that late! The kids were quiet in their rooms and Dee slept in!! When I got up - sorted breakfast for the minions, had a leisurely shower and I've pretty much had my backside planted on the sofa with my laptop for the rest of the day!!

I've almost completed the updates to the face lift on the wholesale site. I'm going to leave it for the evening now and finish off tomorrow with a view to having it uploaded by tomorrow night!

I've spent a fair amount of time on my new candlemaking forums too - it all seems to be going really well! 263 members currently and I only launched it a few days ago!! As soon as I finish the trade site I need to work on the candlemaking site!

It's never ending LOL but I love it!!

Fart in a Trance?? Surely not!!

I think I have possibly just about recovered from my two mega late nights - or is that early mornings!!! (I didn't go right to bed last night either - I couldn't help doing a bit more to the website!!!) but I have still been a "fart in a trance" as B affectionately called me today at work!!

I showed a friend my website this afternoon and lets just say the reaction I got to it was EXACTLY why I have stayed up late over the last couple of days and been working pretty much solidly on it!!! I still have a phenomenal amount of work to do on it ... after all, it's only the front page that I've done so far and even that still needs tweaking with the final photos, but it LOOKS exactly how I had pictured it ... no, it's BETTER than I had pictured it!!

I've known this complete re-design has been needed for a while but I've just not had the motivation to do it!! It was a friend who turned around to me recently and said "you know Dee, considering you call yourself an amateur photographer and have a fucking good camera ... the pictures on your website are complete shit!"

I like to consider myself a straight talking kinda gal and if something needs saying then you can always rely on me to say it! I don't beat around the bush and I call a spade a spade ... but when my friend said that to me about my photos on the existing website, being so crappy, I realised that people very rarely talk back to me so straight!!! I've had so many compliments on the website from so many customers ... saying it's a great design, easy to navigate, easy on the eye etc, but nobody has really pointed out the fact that the photography really could be better ... and I was too "involved" to see it myself.

I just feel so incredibly motivated at the moment. I feel it in my bones that the revamped website will make a huge difference to business, and I'm all hyped up about working towards a shop!! I have been in a really good place emotionally and mentally for the last month or so. It's been a long time since I felt that way!!

I am also eternally grateful to a good friend who speaks the blatant truth!!!