Feb 29th and I never found my spare minutes

I'd already written in a previous post that the 29th Feb was the day where all the spare minutes that I lose go to hide!!! Today was going to be my day to catch up on whatever needed doing .... one whole extra day to just take off and do as I wanted! I'd also planned a night out tonight ... But it seems that the gods have once again ruined all my plans! I went into work to get orders sent out and the day just got away with me :-( I ended up just completely knackered by the end of the afternoon!

My night out tonight ended up getting cancelled too - not a bad thing in the end because I've got this little local show tomorrow ... and it would have been a logistical nightmare as I would have to leave my friend's house early in the morning after a hefty night ... or not stayed over and driven back home late tonight. Plus see above, I've been knackered all day ... hardly conducive to a good night out! LOL

So anyway, I got home after picking the kids up from school (Megan has gone over to Zara's house) and I remember looking at the clock just after 4pm ... then feeling like just having a little lay down on the sofa .... well ooops two hours later I woke up just before 6pm!

Nope, I don't think Dee is doing anything tonight other than maybe drinking some hot chocolate and going to bed! Hahaha

MSN conversations with my daughter!!!!!!!

Okay Miss Megan is DEFINITELY getting too grown up!!! This photo was actually taken towards the end of last year at my sister's wedding bash in the UK ... but I think it really reflects the relationship that she and I have. I love that girl more than life itself. She's such a great daughter!

She spends a lot of time on her computer as most kids do these days. Both of my kids are VERY lucky because they have their own computers and an internet connection (fully locked down and secure - trust me on that one!!) Anyway, she uses something called Club Penguin with her school friends where she has her own little penguin and igloo etc and they can all talk together in this virtual penguin world, but I do get concerned about WHO exactly she is talking to.

Megan is such a mature and responsible 9 1/2 year old girl though, and everything she has done recently has only demonstrated that she can be trusted ... and as far as I am concerned as a parent, if my kids SHOW that they can be trusted, then they WILL be trusted, and the apron strings will be loosened a little bit every time!!

She is a sensible girl who LOVES it when she's praised and I'll admit that I don't give her as much praise as she probably deserves!! My relationship with my daughter has got so much better recently and I think she truly does understand that I am here for her, and no matter how bad it may seem, she can tell me anything.

I've talked to her enough about the bad nasty people in the world who do awful things to children, and she has her head screwed on the right way. Her behaviour HAS been pretty much perfect recently - doing well at school, keeping her room tidy, not being in any trouble ... and I have to reward that ... no, I WANT to reward that!

So, I told Megan straight after school that I was going to install MSN for her on her computer. She's had her own email address for a while and emails her friends a LOT (even though she sees them ALL day at school!) and LOL well since I installed it I think I have chatted to my daughter more than I ever have before!! Normally she'd shut her bedroom door after school and I'd only see her if she was hungry! We've chatted loads this afternoon on MSN!

Problem is ... my daughter is now on MSN! HAH!

Nah, I'm joking ... it's been nice actually ... really nice! I was chatting to Leanne, my sister in law on MSN early this evening, and I DID warn her before I gave Megan her addy to add her as a contact! It worked out so nicely as Leanne's kids were home and Megan got to chat to her cousin Ethan (Leanne's eldest) on MSN for a bit before they went to bed!!

Sooo yeah my daughter is on MSN! LOL gawd help us all!

I get excited over the silliest things!!!

Heheee I had such a grin on my face this morning ....

LOOK!!

My ickle itty bitty tomato seedlings for this years crop!! When I checked them this morning, 11 out of 12 have poked their lil heads up!!! They are in a seed tray inside a propagator ... they live in the conservatory overnight to get the first light in the morning, then I've been moving them into the lounge on the windowsill in the afternoons to get the late sun!

It put such a huge smile on my face this morning when I saw they had popped up! LOL The smallest things amuse me sometimes!

I need to get another propagator and more seed trays though because I have salad leaf seeds that I want to get on the go, plus chervill and some other herbs. Can't wait for the summer this year!!! I am just so looking forward to being able to go into the greenhouse (when I get one!!) and pick things fresh to cook with!

A blah Tuesday with a minor alcohol panic!

I had totally forgotten that when I was at the little show in Chichester a couple of weeks ago, a woman approached me and asked me if I'd like to do a small 2 hour event just up the road on 1st March ... which is this Saturday! DOH! I said I would be very up for it as it's Mothers day on Sunday so it's a good chance to sell people some "little extra bits!" LOL

Thankfully the organiser called me and asked me if I was still interested in going along or I would have forgotten all about it!! Needless to say I spent a good part of the day today (after I'd sent out some essential orders) making lots of mothers day appropriate stuff and a ton of flip flop candles!! These are really cute and I make them in all kinds of different colours. I've got them on sale on the website at the moment and I'll do a special price for them this weekend too! I'm also going to be making up gift sets with some of my leftover frosted gift bags and they will be £20 worth for £10... surprise bags but all with nice stuff in - a way to get rid of some CDs, some old floating candles & bits and pieces I have in the workshop that are PERFECT for mothers day! Fingers crossed for a good one - it's only two hours, but a lot can be sold in two hours, especially if I take my good luck Megan with me! Hehehe

Other than that it's been a bit of a blah day today ... well, compared to yesterday! I got chatting with my friend Lisa today before picking the kids up from school and we've arranged another girlie chat session on Thursday evening ... dangerous those as we totally pick the world to pieces! I NEEEED a girlie chat right now that even the happy pills can't mellow out! There is sooooo much going on inside my head it's dangerous.. and there IS stuff I can't write here in the public domain or I'd be arrested ... LOL okay well mebbe not arrested ... unless you can get arrested for thinking!! HAH!!

For example .... and I totally filched this image off the web. If it's yours I apologise for my filchiness, but it was so utterly fitting I had to grab it!

One of the things I've been worried about (that I CAN post in public!) is the amount I am drinking at the moment... but ALL of my girlfriends that I have talked to seem to drink around the same amount I do, so we're all either perfectly normal or raging alcoholic piss heads! LOL

Yeah let's not answer that question eh! LOL

Nah, in all seriousness I did some research online because I do find myself having a wee glass of wine or four most evenings now ... and I wanted to know if that is REALLY bad or just bad as in not good for me etc. Not good for me I can handle, but ending up an alcoholic? Naaaaahhhhh I've watched WAY too much Jeremy Kyle for that one!! HAHA ... okay I am joking again (Hmmm note to self - am doing that a LOT!)

Rosé wine is just SO drinkable and refreshing ... plus it's PINK! LOL! I gotta admit I'm a red wine gal out of choice, but I hate the ring it leaves around my lips in the morning and the baggy head it gives me! White wine has to be a GOOD white or it just tastes like frigging vinegar!! Sooooo Rosé is perfectly in the middle!!

Anyway, from what I read ... apparently although I do have a few glasses of wine most nights, I am not at risk (currently) of that changing to alcoholic level. I don't get up in the morning and think "must have a drink" ... I don't leave work early to come home and have a drink .... and don't ever drink during the day (except sometimes on weekends sometimes it's around 4-5ish! LOL) and "family life" isn't affected by alcohol ... well, except that sometimes you gotta stop off after dog walking to pick up more alcohol!

So anyway, it's only 9.30pm but my bed is calling me for an early night tonight!! Hopefully going out Friday night and it'll be an all nighter so I'd best get my beauty sleep now!!!

The weirdest Monday on record yet!!!

Well talk about Weird Mondays and I think the one I had today was just so totally utterly bizarre that it's just ... well, wow!!! It started off as a very stressful monday morning, but as the day went on ... despite some really sad news, my day was very definitely un-stressed!!

Today was my first proper day back in the workshop after the h*ll that is half term and I even felt really sick this morning for no real reason at all. I didn't actually throw up, and I could only put it down to feeling nervous about going back into the workshop after a few enforced days off (also for reasons other than half term, but that's not a story for public viewing!!)

Anyway, I got into the workshop and it was all actually okay! I spent the entire day pouring and cleared off eleven orders so I was very chuffed with myself!!! Tomorrow is a "top up" and package day where I will literally be topping up stuff that I made today ... and sending it out.

Through circumstances and no fault of my own I've ended up sooooo far behind with orders, but it was really good to spend a day just playing in the wax and making candles today!! I've had a ton of orders in over the last few days, so I'll get everything I've made sent tomorrow so I should have happy customers again :D

Then this afternoon, about half an hour after getting in from work, I got a text from a really good friend - L, to ask if I fancied popping over for a chat! Thing is, hub was unusually working from home on a Monday, so I took FULL advantage and went over to L's place! What was supposed to only be popping out for an hour or so ended up with me being out for hours and just about getting home at dinner time to say hi to the kids after their first day back at school!

A thoroughly worthy afternoon though *grin* - I have a smile on my face that won't quit and that's all I'll say!!

I actually feel a little disrespectful here today because after the great and terrific afternoon I've vaguely talked about, I haven't mentioned ANYTHING about C today and I feel truly bad for that.

PLEASE forgive me ... I have always sworn never to delete anything I write here (unless it's a typo!) and that will never change, but I feel I should have mentioned this at the start of today and it is SO tempting to go back and change how I have started this entry, but I won't...

C was the wife of R who has the unit along the coridoor from me. I found out this morning that C sadly passed away on Friday. It wasn't totally unexpected as she had been ill for quite some time (cancer), and to be honest, every time I had seen C, I'd been surprised that she was still around because she looked so ill and had been so ill for so long. That sounds callous doesn't it ... I truly don't mean to be... I just say it how I see it.

My friend Lou that works for R had been a friend of C & R's for years and I know that she had taken it harder than she made out when I saw her today. C died of cancer and Lou has breast cancer - for the second time and is right in the middle of treatment, so it has been soooo hard on them all over there. Lou is also a really good friend of mine and it's been really hard to see her go through her own personal battle as well as deal with C's illness and now her passing. I just wish there was more that I could do

I almost feel guilty for having a good day today after finding out about C passing away. I KNOW that's silly and that C would probably tell me off for it! I said to R today that I knew there was nothing I could say but that he would be in my thoughts.

It's been a tough time for them all over that end of the coridoor.

... I just have to add that this has been one of the weirdest blog entries I have ever made. To have had such a sad day combined with such a totally chilled out and fantastic afternoon has been utterly weird! Thank you L for one of the best afternoons I've had in a LONG time!!!

New shoe lust

Dear diary ... it has been weeks since my last shoe purchase. I am writing to confess that I am suffering serious withdrawals

I've been lusting after Mary Jane shoes today

They are just so SEXY!!!

Oooops the days got away with me!!

Well crikey it's Sunday evening and I haven't blogged since Thursday night? I have absolutely NO excuse really ... I had to pop into work quickly on Friday morning (left the kids in the car) just to check on a few bits and pieces and solve a missing delivery problem (all sorted!) but other than that I've been pretty much sat on my butt!!

Okay that's physically what I've been doing, but c'mon, you know me ... or at least you SHOULD do if you read my blog! LOL like I could just sit here and do absolutely nothing! HAH! I have been working very hard on updating another website of mine ... www.candlemaking.org.uk ... The Essential Survival Guide to Candlemaking was online even before my business was! It's been on the web for over a decade now and it is totally dedicated to helping other candlemakers ... I've revamped it and given it a total overhaul. It's taken some serious work and I still have some articles to re-write!! I'll get it finished in the next few days and part of the whole point of the re-vamp is to try to generate some extra advertising revenue too.

So yeah, my last few days have been full of taking the kids to the park, working on the website, drinking WAAAAY too much alcohol and laundry! LOL

Anyway, I have to laugh about this pic I took of Megan! She has the talent of being able to go cross eyed at will! OMG she's brilliant - I can't do it! LOL

Yeah ... that's my girl!!!

Wow ... the things I learned about my son tonight!!!

Wow, the things I have learned about my little boy tonight have truly astounded me!

It's been a weird day really. I woke up this morning and I really just didn't want to drag the kids into the workshop with me! I turned the alarm clock off and allowed myself the indulgence of a lay in until 9.30am! I could hear the kids downstairs but there were no sounds of screaming, so I just huddled myself under my duvet until I FELT like getting up!

This evening at hub's suggestion, we all went out for a "family" meal ... the kids have been so well behaved recently and it was hub's payday - plus the freezer is pretty much totally empty, and with me clearing out the kitchen cupboards yesterday ... well there wasn't much in the house!!

Anyway, after trudging around a few different places, trying to find somewhere that didn't have a 20-30 min wait for a table for four ... we finally got seated back at the first place we went too!

The kids were impeccable with their behaviour! I was proud of the pair of them! We went to a family friendly restaurant that provides colouring pens and activity sheets

That's the background ... but the thing is ... after a few glasses of wine I was feeling decidedly squiffy so we weren't exactly hugely forthcoming about getting the kids in bed! Hub was doing some work and I was watching Dawn Porter do her lesbian thang (so gotta post about that separately!) when it occurred to me to get them into bed!

Fast forward past the whole go to bed, kisses & cuddles bit ... I'm sat here with another glass of wine and Nathan comes in telling me he has had a bad dream about colours!

THAT intruigued the crap out of me so I asked him to explain. He told me that his dream was yellow with a black hole in the middle but that sometimes it was colours other than yellow.

OMG it was fascinating. I got him to draw his dream for me and he drew a big circle (in biro) that he told me was yellow and then did a black circle in the middle of it. From there I got him to make me a list of happy and sad colours, but he re-named it colours he liked and colours he hated! Yellow was top of the hate list, followed by black and all kinds of dark colours. Top of his love list was red orange and pink together like a sunset... and that just blew my mind! He said blue is an okay colour as long as it isn't too dark, white and grey are in the middle and he absolutely loves ALL (his words) types of green.

It was fascinating and totally blew my mind. He took his list to bed with him but I plan on secreting it away later to look at properly. It smacks of being a very Aspergers thing ... and it reminded me a lot of "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" ... I forget the author but it's about a boy with severe Aspergers (Nathan is mild to mid) and it was just wow ... because that boy saw yellow as a bad luck colour too. It is definitely worth mentioning to his specialist at the hospital when he's seen again.

Utterly fascinating. I saw an insight into my little man tonight that I have never EVER had before.

Half term H*LL

Well if you hadn't already guessed it's been a helluva week and it's only Tuesday. UGH. Yeah, and this is pretty much how I am feeling!!!

It's not that the kids haven't behaved themselves, but it's just so hard to keep them amused/entertained without relying on the TV or their computers when I still have to go into the workshop, and still have to clean up the house and work on website stuff etc. If I had the money I'd send them off to a half term club where they get stimulation, activities and lots of fun .... *sigh* one day!

On the upside, the Sun newspaper is doing £19.50pp holidays to Europe ... I am so collecting the vouchers! I wanna take the kids on a decent holiday this year!

Still, I'm back to feeling melancholy again. I realised I hadn't taken my happy pill yesterday so I'm wondering if that's why, but they take such a long time to build up in your system that I doubt missing the odd one would make a huge difference ... that's why you have to be weaned off of them.

Ugh I don't know! I just wish I knew where I was heading and where I'm going. I need to know that all of this stress and struggle is actually going to be worth it in the long run, or whether I am just simply wasting my time ...

I should NOT still be cleaning up sh*t with no babies in the house!!!!

Major, huge .. no fucking ENORMOUS vent about to happen here ... avert your eyes if you are offended by the word POOH.

Nathan has ADHD and Aspergers. Although I've mentioned it here before, I've not really blogged a huge amount about his diagnosis and what it means to "us" as a family group.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - it basically means that he is like a constant live wire with energy free flowing 24 hours a day. He cannot sit still without fidgeting or bouncing and nothing (except the computer, Nintendo DS or playstation) will hold his interest for more than a few minutes. He can run off without warning in a busy street or supermarket, talks incessantly … and basically is constantly exhausting. It’s easier to say he has basically no concept of self preservation!

The signs were there when he was about 2 years old that there was something not quite right about him. I’d already had Megan and although she was a girl and girls are different … there was just something I knew as a parent wasn’t quite right. I had real trouble toilet training him at 18 months … decided to wait till he was 2½ … then decided to wait till he was nearly 3 … and when he started pre-school at 3 and still wasn’t properly toilet trained we were pretty much told to either put him back in nappies or remove him because they didn’t have the staff to deal with it! He was also then held back for a term from starting school because he STILL wasn’t fully toilet trained and still having a lot of accidents. The GP was useless and said he’d “grow out of it” and that it was a typical toddler! I was told that they wouldn’t do anything about the toileting until he was 4 and I literally had him down there the day after his 4th birthday!

It took a LOT of pushing on my part to get an appointment through the child services department to get him seen by someone … ANYONE that would take me seriously and at that point it was a 9-12 month waiting list! It was literally by phoning at LEAST once a week to see if there was a cancellation and making myself known to the receptionist that we FINALLY got an appointment after about 3 months wait.

Ugh there were so many forms to fill in. We had to answer these pages and pages of questions about Nathan’s behaviour, and similar forms were sent to the school. To get a diagnosis for ADHD both the school and parents / caregivers have to respond similarly to the questionnaires (they are tailored differently for each of us)

We met with so many different doctors and people … and then the diagnosis was made, it was like the world made sense! When the doctor first mentioned autism I was really scared because my only “experience” of autism was watching the movie Rain Man and that is SO FAR from Nathan!

Aspergers (AS) is different though. Autism is a huge umbrella that Aspergers is only a small part of! Aspergers is generally classified as a delay in language and cognitive development, motor ‘clumsiness’ and “atypical” use of language. That’s the technical description anyway. AS is different though … people with autism don’t generally like people invading their personal space, but Nathan LOVES being cuddled, held and we always have our “snuggles” before he goes to bed at night. He is very affectionate and loves nothing more than personal contact.

Here’s the Wikipedia description of Aspergers ….
“Unlike those with autism, people with AS are not usually withdrawn around others; they approach others, even if awkwardly, for example by engaging in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic while being oblivious to the listener's feelings or reactions, such as signs of boredom or haste to leave.”

See, I read that and thought OMG that is SOOOOO Nathan!!! When he plays his fave Pokemon game on his Nintendo DS, he’ll literally narrate everything he’s doing and tell you all about which Pokemon is which, what their skill levels are, who they can beat and everything that is going on in his game at the time! You sit here and say “oh really, uhuh ….. yeah they can do that? Cool!” whilst really not listening to a word that he is saying! He'll contine talking well past the fourth or fifth time you have told him NATHAN SHUT THE FUCK UP! OMG how awful do I feel saying that? Especially knowing that he could read this at any time in the future!

Nathan, if you are reading this … sweetie I KNOW it isn’t your fault. I love you SO much, and I will ALWAYS love you no matter how much sh*t you smear all over my walls, but PLEASE you really have to understand that it pisses me off to STILL be cleaning up your sh*t at nearly 8 years old!

Even NOW he is 7 years old (8 in May) and although the accidents are fewer and far between, he still shits himself.

This evening I found my stairway walls and carpet smeared literally in Nathan’s cr*p. I smelled it before I saw it and the maddening thing is … when I called for him to get his butt there right now … and I said to him “I’ve just found something on the stairs Nathan … what could I have found?” He looked at me, then looked at the floor and very quietly (and I KNEW he was ashamed and embarrassed!) he said “pooh.”

Yeah umm you could say that. Smeared all over the walls AND the carpet up the stairs.

He got yelled at, told no computer tomorrow and was sent to bed early.

At the time of writing this (10.40pm) he is asleep in the hallway in a pile under his duvet. I made an executive decision to just leave him there and I’ll put him to bed after I take him to the toilet in half an hour or so.

*sigh*

I REALLY don’t know how to handle this sometimes. It’s NOT his fault and I KNOW that. Christ, life since prescription medication for Nathan has been bloody fantastic compared to what he is like without the drugs, but I hate that he could turn around to me in the future and be angry with me for medicating him. He’s 7½ years old and is on 30mg equasym XL a day which is a fair dose considering his age / build.

Still, what are you supposed to do when your son smears excrement all over the walls and carpet? He still has to be punished no matter what….

So why do I feel so guilty?

First craft show of the year ...

Well yesterday was! Oving in Chichester, so a nice local one that only took 20 minutes to get to. I'll admit that I hadn't even thought about writing about it when I got back as my head just needed to hit my pillow!

Megan came with me and she was absolutely brilliant! Such a superb little saleswoman and I had so many people compliment me on her! She handed out a ton of business cards to people and was standing there telling customers how to use the breakaway melts and the story behind my multi layered candleshop votives!

Plus, it was nice to just have some Mum & Megan time together! I didn't make a fortune, but we got my name out there and that's what it's about!! I've got a fair amount of interest in candle parties too ... so fingers crossed!!

I LOVE last.fm

I joined this website in September last year and I swear it is probably my most USED website!! It was my friend M that recommended it to me and I have been hooked ever since!

Last.fm is basically a radio station ... but of music YOU like! You search by artist or by "tag" (hip hop, dance, reggae, classical etc) and it brings up other music like that ... so if you put in UB40 you'd come up with lots of other reggae groups. I love it!

It also tells you who you’ve been listening to most, etc.. and I’m such a HUGE fan of annoying pointless stats and stalking myself! Unfortunately this also means that when I'm having an 80s retro throwback night that shows up all the really shite tunes I used to listen to in my youth! Admittedly there are a lot of tracks that I really love because they bring back memories, but other people in the world think that the tune is crap. Ok in fact the rest of the world does!!!

Anyway,

I have spent soooo long sorting out all of my tunes and then all of a sudden Erasure, or the Pet Shop Boys from one of my 80s fest sessions pops up on my profile! I can hear all the younguns going "who??" LOL

It's worrying. People are going to be looking at this saying ‘OMG she sounded okay on the outside, but how SHITE is her music taste?'. It could affect my whole life. My future friendships. My chance of ever having more children!!

All I can say is - people, please don’t judge me. I think pixies are doing it when i’m not around. Sneaky wee buggers.

Prep for my first craft fair of the year

I don't know if you can even call it a craft fair really! I am in Oving, Chichester tomorrow and it's only a little local one 1-4pm so I am not expecting huge amounts, but it's the first one of the year and I'm taking slightly different stuff so I am a little unsure! LOL

To a certain extent I have stopped doing shows and fairs because you have to stand there all day with a false smile on your face as people pick stuff up, tell you how wonderful it smells, how they've never smelled anything as good ... and then they walk off without buying anything! It can be incredibly frustrating!

So, I'm being pretty picky now about the events I will attend. I wouldn't normally do something just for 3 hours, but I figure it's a local one, it's in aid of a really good charity, and getting out there making SOME money has to be better than being sat on my ass at home!!

So anyway I've got stacks of 3 votives, break away melts and my "just say it" slim pillars. I spent most of today in the workshop re-packaging the soaps that are now "to clear" and organising all of the labels and making sure I have everything I need. Megan is going to come with me so it will be a nice girlie day for us too :-)

The Anti-Valentine

I HATE Valentines Day. Hate loathe and despise it. I meant to post about this on Thursday but got sidetracked (and a lil drunk!) Nope, no Valentines for this girl this year!

Valentines Day is about commercialism and forcing people to make declarations that they may not be ready to make!! It's the new couples that really suffer. They are only just in a relationship and getting to know each other and ooopsie look it's Valentine's Day! They may be feeling things for each other, but not ready to say those three scary words yet ... but the shops are full of cards saying "I love you" and the woman is damned well gonna be expecting something!

Thing is, I would MUCH rather have on-going romance. Somebody leaving me little notes on my pillow or stuck to the inside of the cupboard, making me a cup of coffee, snuggling up together on the sofa, holding hands, being intimate with each other (NOT all about sex!) ... it's those things that show true romance rather than a card!

Having said that, it's not like I don't appreciate the thought on Valentines Day from a guy!! I'm just saying that Valentines isn't the be all and end all and that it's the little on-going things that really show how you feel! *sigh*I miss that :-(

I love Dawn Porter!! (not in a pervy sexual way tho!)

I watched "Dawn Get Naked" tonight ... completely by accident as it was on just after something else I was watching and I couldn't be bothered to change the channel as I was working on the website and the TV was just background! Thing is, it was the best decision I have ever not actually made!! Needless to say I didn't get far on the website because this TV prog had me HOOKED!!




I have seen Dawn Porter on TV before, and I have always thought she is totally awesome!!! She looks a bit like Lilly Allen (who I also totally love in a non pervy sexual way!) Dawn Porter is totally funny and 100% female real WOMAN. She is very easy to identify with because she is so real. I watched this TV program and god it was like my self confidence went through the roof!! I WISH I had known about this at the time of filming because I would have SO SO been there, supported her and got naked on her bus!!!

My favourite thing she said was "Life is so much better when you don't give yourself a hard time." I am definitely going to adopt that philosophy!! I am just GUTTED that I hadn't actually HEARD about this before considering how online my life is!!! I would have SO been there to support her and support this cause!

OMG I actually feel so incredible right now. My body image has been something I have struggled with for so long ... but ... and this is the thing I have learned this evening!!!! .... I am beautiful! I have a FEMALE FIGURE with lumpy bumpy bits in all their glory ... and you know what? THAT'S OKAY!!!

Dawn did a photo shoot and had a photo of herself taken with no makeup on ... she was then sent off for hair & makeup and looked lovely as she was normally ... but THEN she was photoshopped and made PERFECT... and I literally mean perfect. They even took one of her slightly squinty eyes and replaced it with a mirror image of the other! She was shaved down, her nose was altered and her whole face was given a glow.

The thing was ... when you actually compared this perfect photo to what Dawn actually REALLY looked like ... although you could see it was her, it really wasn't her ... if that makes sense! The two images were such extremes that it was crazy! All of a sudden things just made sense to me. The "perfection" that she was striving for just simply doesn't exist!

One thing that really struck me was that ... I would actually LOVE to have Dawn's figure! Part of me felt that if *I* looked like SHE did then I would be sooooo happy ... yet, there she was with SO many insecurities about her own body! It really did open my eyes about the truth behind REAL women!!

The biggest thing I have learned tonight is ... and I am quoting Dawn directly here .... "why on EARTH would we WANT to aspire to be something that doesn't exist!?"

Normal looking girls are made to feel crap about themselves because they are confronted with these false images of what is so called perfect! The thing is ... it just doesn't actually REALLY exist! I have no doubt that the models used in magazines are classically true beautiful women... but what Dawn's show tonight taught me is that the representation of these women that we see in the magazines is SO FALSE!!! It truly doesn't actually exist

Is it any wonder that girls grow up self conscious about their bodies? OMG I have learned so much about myself tonight. In just an hour of watching this TV prog, I am no longer AFRAID of what I actually am. I know now that not being perfect is not only OKAY, but that it's actually what 99.9% of the population are!!

So yeah, what started out as a bit of a blah day, actually ended up being quite inspirational! All hail Dawn Porter! LOL It did actually inspire me for my next photography challenge too ... I want to photograph REAL WOMEN. It wouldn't matter if they are a size 8 or a size 24 ... they would be REAL women and that's something that I feel very affilliated with from my own body and self confidence issues, and it's also something I very much want to support! I also think that the local papers would be very interested in it.

With the whole "eat healthy", "must exercise lots" and "must look good" that is pushed on people (and women in general) these days ... it was just so enlightening and empowering to watch an hours worth of TV about a REAL woman with REAL insecurities and to learn that although SHE had a body I would love to have myself ... that she had the exact same fears and worries about HER body ... as I do about mine!

I definitely feel my next personal photography challenge has to be along those lines - but I need to aim for 150 rather than 25 :-)

Feeling very empowered, very inspired ... and very WOMAN!!!

What's so special about Thursday?!

Wellll I've been painting? LOL Mum gave me a big tub of magnolia and as you would expect ... if Dee is left in the house alone with a tub of paint then you can pretty much guarantee she'll be a paintin'! Sooooo I have a 3/4 finished nicely cream bedroom! It is a huge improvement on the dirty lilac that it was before!! I have to move the wardrobe to get to the last bit and have to admit defeat and will need to ask the hub for help with that! That can wait a few days though.

Once the bedroom is done I'll tackle the stairs, then the hallway and then I'll start on the lounge! The ceilings, coving and all need re-doing in white as well - I can already see me procariously balancing on a chair, trying not to fall off as I paint the ceilings!!

.... Magnolia *sigh*

I do LOVE colour, and if it were just ME living here by myself (and if I had the MONEY!!!), each room in the house would be a different colour and style to reflect my personality and what I use each space for.

BUT admittedly the magnolia is nice and easy, it's fresh - oh yeah, and it's FREE! Sooo I'll just use colour with accents instead :-)

I found where the spare minutes hide!!!

Okay so anyone who reads my blog often enough will know that I often complain about how I am convinced there is some kind of time pixie out there that pinches minutes out of my day, because somehow I never seem to have enough time for everything!!



Well .... It SUDDENLY occurred to me that it's a leap year this year and it all made sense! There are 29 days in February this year which means there are a whole extra 1440 minutes at the end of this month that we wouldn't normally get if it wasn't a leap year! Feb 29th is a Friday this year too - soooo that's gonna be Dee's catch up day!! Whatever it is that REALLY needs to be done on Friday 29th Feb is what I will do! Whether it's catching up on things I am behind with at work, or doing the things around the house that really need doing (like re-painting EVERY single damned room in the house!) or clearing out the garden ... both of which NEED to be done soon!

Spring is coming so EARLY this year! The weather has been (dare I say it ...?) warm recently! Okay maybe WARM is an exaggeration, but it's definitely been open windows and not necessarily wear a coat type weather. You'd normally expect it to still be really cold at this time in February... yet there are already daffs and tulips out and they've been out a while already!

It's REALLY made me want to get out there and start doing something with the garden too. Last year was a bit of an experiment in the garden ... I grew herbs, red chillis, jalepeno chillis, cherry tomatoes and a few other bits, but it really was just an experiment. I know what I can be like and I'll throw myself into something then lose interest after a couple of weeks!! Soooo I hadn't wanted to spend too much money.

Also part of it is that I am GOOOOOOD at everything I do ... purely because I don't do things I am not good at!! Soooo I hadn't wanted to invest a lot of money into it ... but this year I am seeing TONS of cherry tomatoes, runner beans, aubergines and hopefully some soft fruits too!!!

I WANT a polytunnel!!

Ok I've been drinking while I've been writing the last part of this and now can;'t concentrate on the screen, so err time for bed said Zebedee!!!

If it feels like a Monday, then it probably is!!!

Ooops I didn't get around to writing anything yesterday because I spent most of the day packaging up a whole bunch of these 3 stacks of votives to take to a craft show this coming weekend! It's only a small local one for 3 hours ... so I didn't want to invest too much time into building stock for it and I don't want to be carting all of the stock votives and baskets out just for a few short hours!!! Sooo I'm taking as many of these votive stacks as I can in different scent combos - some florals, some fruits, perfumes, bakery & spice, fresh/feminine etc. The idea is that each set has different fragrances in and they are only £3.75 for a stack, so it's AFFORDABLE and I'm hoping that if people actually stop to look at what is on my table then they should be able to put their hand in their pocket for £3.75 and take something away!!

I am also going to take a load of different breakaway wax melts and put them in a big rummage basket because these are all things that I can keep in stock and re-use if they don't sell this weekend!

This will be a completely different sort of set up for me as I usually just purely take single wrapped votives in their baskets. It will be interesting to see if it makes a difference to the money that I take!

Other than that I am TIRED today! I have had a bit of a sore throat for a few days that hasn't really amounted to anything, but I've just been really run down, under the weather and full of BLAH today!

Friday Five on err Saturday 9th Feb

Yeah okay so I am a day late with my Friday Five, but I know I forgot last week so I figure I'm okay!! This week is interesting - it's all about school supplies!

When did you last use graphing paper? OMG that literally WOULD have been when I was at school, so ummm err, around 1991 when I was 16 and probably for my maths GCSE exam (which I passed btw!!)

When did you last use a highlighter? Today! Hah! I have highlighters in the packing area in the workshop so that if there is a special delivery note the customer has given me (leave with neighbour, leave over fence etc), I can highlight it on the paperwork to make it obvious!

When did you last cover a book? Ummm actually not that long ago! I embellish cover the front of my notepads, journals and albums if that counts! If we're talking text books and shiny wrapping paper then it's gonna haven been back at school again! Why were text books always such boring colours anyway?! LOL

When did you last wear an apron or smock?
I wear overalls to work EVERY day! It's the only way to stop the wax from totally ruining my clothes!

When did you last use glue? Hahah a couple of days ago. I live in a house with two children and a hub. It's unsurprising that it is always MY stuff that gets broken so I have glue in the kitchen drawer!

A perfect Saturday Morning

I had such a nice start to my day today! I had no immediate hurry to get out of bed as I hadn't planned on going to work until late morning. The kids didn't have anywhere to be either, so I got to wake up peacefully by myself!! Ohh heaven!!

Once I'd unearthed myself from the true comfort and bliss that is a body form mattress (seriously, you HAVE to get one!!) and come downstairs, I felt ... well, content I guess!!!

I sat on the sofa with my laptop and a pot of coffee knowing that I had a solid list of things to do, but none of them needed to be done right then. I was listening to music on Last FM … and just chilling out to some really good music before going to pour candles for the rest of the day.

It occurred to me that my life was actually perfect for that brief moment!!

Sadly life is never perfect for that long ... and true enough, my peace & quiet was soon shattered! LOL

BUT on the upside, the weather today has been unreal for the start of February. I'm not sure what the temp was, but it actually felt WARM out there. It's a sure fire sign that Spring is coming soon!!

I'm FRONT PAGE NEWS!!!

This is sooooo cool! What started out as just something to do purely just for fun with my 25 smiles project and I day where I simply needed something to do has resulted in me being on the FRONT PAGE of the newspaper! There's a small pic of me and it says "what's got all these people smiling? Find out on page 4" - then a half page article with a bigger photo of me holding my camera next to a large pic of the montage!!

In town this morning there was also an ad board about my project!! Ohh the grin on my face was enormous! I couldn't resist taking a photograph of it! Chuffed to bits I was! LOL Turned out a really nice pic too with the florist in the background!!

Click Here for the link to the article online!!

Sad News :-(

This household has always been one for waifs, strays and weird and wacky pets... and this evening I have sad news to report. "B" the leopard gecko has sadly passed away. Hub and I had B for longer than we've had the children, so it actually is a sad thing even though he was only "a silly creature."

I'm sad that there aren't actually pictures of B, but this is what he looked like. I should definitely take more photos of the animals in this house.

What makes it worse is that B was ATTACKED BY THE CRICKETS that were in there for him to eat!! He fed on live food .... the crickets were his FOOD and they ended up attacking him. I was just sat here this evening doing some stuff on my laptop when hub called me over and said that the crickets were literally eating him alive. I thought he was joking until I saw it myself. There was a massive (well it was massive compared to the size of HIM) hole in his body and you could see 3 of his ribs and his innards. There were also a couple of other smaller holes and we just knew damned well that he was never going to survive.

The only thing I can think is that where he'd got older, his skin had got more frail - perhaps he already had a small nick or wound that attracted them - and maybe that was it. It was shocking - truly shocking to see.

The only thing to do was to take him to the emergency out of hours vet and have him put to sleep. It was a £70 consult and £15 to put him to sleep and selfishly I was thinking of the cost rather than the creature, but it was the right thing to do to take him down. Thankfully they waived the consultation fee anyway as he was literally taken there just to be put to sleep.

He was only a tiny little creature, but he'd been part of the household for longer than the kids!!

So yeah I'm pretty sad

Photographing the photographer!!

Well the photographer for the local paper has been to take my picture to go alongside the article about my montage! He took a few shots outside of me holding my camera so fingers crossed I have a decent smile on my face in one of them! I'm not used to posing for pictures myself! HAH

I am not sure when the article will be published, but the paper is Worthing Herald, and I'll post a link to the article directly if it's on their website too!!

Proud Mum Moments (and a Nathan ADHD backtrack!)

Well YEAH I am one proud mum! Today was parent / teacher consultations up at the school and both of them got excellent reports!! I am never really that worried about Megan at school because she is highly motivated in herself and she's a sponge for learning. I mean seriously, I catch this girl singing multiplication tables along to a CD on the weekends!!! She is 9 and just generally great! Her teacher couldn't say enough nice things about her! Funny thing is that she said to me afterwards that she had actually been nervous about it and worried about what her teacher might say about her.

I do worry that my daughter is setting herself standards that are waaaay to high for herself and that she'll end up just like me and battling with herself to achieve. She is such a great kid - thoughtful, respectful and popular ... okay so she has a mouth on her and can seriously backchat, but hey she's a 9 year old girl and she's allowed occasionally!!

My 7 year old Nathan has ADHD and Aspergers and the school are very good and support him really well. I can't say enough how great their school has been! Funnily enough this has been the very FIRST time that I've not gone up for a parent / teacher chat with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach about what Nathan's teacher would say!! The thing is, Nathan has made such MAJOR improvements in his behaviour at home. He's had merits, stickers and headteacher awards at school, his toilet accidents are - well there haven't been any for weeks, and the fact that he has made such vast improvements at home could only mean a positive chat at school! I wasn't disappointed! His teacher gave me lots of positive feedback on him and his progress and yep generally it's all good!!!

Her biggest "beef" with him was to do with his handwriting and I have to agree. Part of the Aspergers side of things means he has trouble with fine motor control ie doing up buttons, laces, zips, pen control etc. In that respect he tends to "draw" his letters rather than write them and his hand writing is very messy. BUT she did also point out that his spelling was actually very good for his age, that he liked to write and writes a LOT for news writing etc, and that if he could just neaten up his work then he could actually be a very good writer. That was soooo encouraging, it really was!! He's having no trouble with maths or anything really, the main problems seem to be neatness in his work and the battle of wills that he has with his teacher when he wants to do things his way!!

It's a far cry from this time a couple of years ago before he was medicated. When we had the parent / teacher chat when he was in year 1 (he's in year 3 now) I came out of there pretty much in tears because his teacher that year didn't have one single academic nice word to say about him!! She told me that she couldn't even get started with the academic side of things until his behaviour was under control!

I did understand what she meant though, I do have to be honest there! At that time, I was pushing for the diagnosis process for Nathan and constantly on the phone to try to get him to the top of the waiting list for appointments. This is a child who, in the middle of a school assembly would start doing forward rolls or stand up and start spinning around. He was bouncing off of the walls and family outings were just complete nightmares because you just couldn't keep track of him from one second to the next! He never stood still and he had the concentration span of a .... "ooooooh look at that shiny thing"

Yeah exactly!!

When Nathan was first diagnosed I was so firmly against medication. I felt it was WRONG to medicate a child for behavioural problems and thus the battle began. Although I did "give in" and take him back to the doctor to say, ask for eventually beg that he be medicated because I had officially given up .... I don't regret trying the behavioural methods first! Besides, we (home and school) still use behavioural methods with him anyway. It was then a rocky road even finding the right drug for him, then when we found the right drug, the dosage had to be altered ... then he went through a real growth spurt and the medication had to be increased because his body capacity had increased!! I just hope that one day he can reduce down and come off the medication.

I seem to have got a bit sidetracked from my original reason for this particular post, but hey it obviously needed to come out and I'm never one for deleting anything I ever put in a journal. If my head thinks it - my fingers type it!

I guess what I was trying to say - the point I was trying so badly to make ... is that the drugs have allowed him enough concentration to let the world slow down enough for him to focus on it and start noticing things! It's turned Nathan from a boy I would worry about every where I took ... to a little boy (and his big sister) that I am exceptionally proud of!

OMG!! OMG!! Mondays are officially fantastic!!!

... well THIS Monday is anyway!!

Came into the workshop this morning feeling a little achy and a bit worse for wear as I didn't sleep well last night. Mondays are usually always so BLAH but today when I sat down in front of my work PC with my pot of coffee ... I found a huuuuuuuuge number of orders had come in over the weekend! The pile is so thick that stacked together it is almost a half an inch stack of orders JUST from the weekend! That also includes a couple of nice wholesale orders too :D

THEN .... I got a call from the local paper in response to the email I had sent them with a copy of my 25 Smiles montage just incase it was of local interest ... and they want to publish it!!! He did an interview over the phone and a photographer is coming to the workshop on Wednesday morning to take photos of me with the candles and with my camera!! He said they would give me a plug for my websites too - so there is the chance to bring in a lot of extra business!!!

Such a damned good day .... and it's not even quite lunchtime!!!

Yeah!!! Passed my grading!!!

Well it's official - you all really do need to before me now. I PASSED MY GRADING!!! OMG I was so nervous. It really was the first belt I have actually been afraid of REALLY failing!! I was sooooo worried about one of my kicks that I can normally do perfectly, but for whatever reason only managed to land TWO perfectly executed versions of this particular kick during the round!

The whole grading took about an hr and 15 minutes ... and this is a pic of me when I got home afterwards looking all "funny scary" for the camera wearing my new belt!!!!

For those not in the know, you start of with a red belt at 11th kyu status. My brown and white belt puts me at 2nd kyu. There is now just ONE MORE BELT to go until I start working towards my black

Yeah ... I'm that good!!!

New site is live!!

Wooohoo!!! In less than a week I managed to come up with the idea, design and build the site and it tis done!

www.deestapleton.co.uk is officially launched!!!

This is the biz card I've designed - it's a low quality image as it's a screen print from my software, but I LOVE it and think it totally sums me up!!


Coooooooooooooooool huh!! Sometimes I am so good I surprise myself! hahahaaaa

** Photo Challenge - 25 Smiles

I woke up this morning and decided to go get out there with my camera and have some fun... and I set myself the challenge of 25 smiles from strangers! I was really nervous when I first started out ... I walked into town and let so many people walk past me until I plucked up the courage to ask the first person! From there it was really easy and people were SO nice to me.

I said to people "Excuse me, I'm doing a photography project called 25 Smiles and I wondered if you would like to be one of my smiles?" They were all so lovely to me - asked me about what I was doing and why I was doing it! People seemed surprised that I was just doing it for fun - for no real other reason, and most of them had a chat with me too!

There were only two people that said no - one was a woman who was in a rush somewhere, and the other was an older lady who thought she was too ugly to be photographed! She was such a lovely soul and stopped and chatted to me for quite some time and went off with a tear in her eye that somebody had actually wanted to take her picture!!

I really had a good time doing it! I am definitely going to have to set myself some more challenges! This is the finished montage of 25 smiles!!!