This post is about my period ... read on if you dare!!!

Avert your eyes if you are the remotest bit embarrassed by "women's things" LOL This post is about my period!

I take the pill religiously every day without fail because I have a horribly irregular natural cycle and it helps me to know when to expect my period. It can be an awful shock when you are out for the evening in a pair of white trousers and you suddenly get your period. NO it has never happened to me, but my fear of it meant I never wore white until I discovered the pill! LOL

Anyway ... damn I sidetrack a lot don't I!

I haven't had a period since Christmas. I hadn't overly worried because I know my body very well (I've known it thirty two and a half years!) and I also know there is no chance of me being pregnant ... I did a test a couple of months ago at the start of January just to be absolutely sure and surprise surprise it was a big fat negative.

I just put it down to stress because I remember all to clearly the last year with my ex boyfriend ... I was with him for five years and the last year we were together I didn't have a period AT ALL and I was taking my pill to the letter! I was back and forth to the doctor (at one point I did get pregnant by my ex despite the pill and had a miscarriage as I hadn't known I was pregnant and was doing a lot of stupid stuff but that is a whole other post!)

Anyway ... since then, I've always had pretty irregular periods. I even tried norplant and the depo injection but they sent my already screwy emotions completely outta whack. I eventually went on the pill again, doctors put it down to being stressed out in a bad relationship and blah blah.

I split with my ex, tried out a couple of different varieties of the pill with the doctor and eventually found a brand that worked for me and didn't turn me into a hormonal bitch from hell! LOL! After that the pill was kind of my regulator! I take a pill for 21 days and then have 7 days off. During that seven days I bleed for about 3.5 and it's usually fairly light to moderate. It's been that way for over a decade ... until just before Christmas anyway!

BUT the last period I had was actually in December. Admittedly I had "backpacked" my pills in November (for reasons I won't discuss in a public post!!) so that I didn't come on... but since then despite taking the pill properly, I've not bled at all. Anyway, after I took the negative test a couple months ago (I can't believe I am posting this in my blog but there ya go!) I decided that again "just incase" - to be doubly sure and all that jazz ... that I would take a test by the end of March if I hadn't come on!!

Soooo it was only actually a few days ago that I took yet another (very negative!) pregnancy test! The weirdest thing was ... as soon as I started thinking about the (exceptionally ... and seriouly, I mean SLIM) chance that I could be pregnant ... my boobs started to feel tender, I had to pee more often and funnily enough I hadn't been sick in a LONG time. See, whenever I've been pregnant before (pg 4 times had 2 miscarriages - one with my ex, one with hub then 2 children) I have ALWAYS had morning sickness.

In fact, I remember it wasn't even morning sickness - I referred to it as "Martini Sickness" ... ie anytime, anyplace, anywhere!! It was one of the first cues that I was pregnant ... and the fact that my being sick seemed to have stopped? It was all such a weird bizarre co-incidence.

Anyway (damn I am waffling tonight aren't I!) I had decided last night that I would take another pregnancy test in the morning "just to be absolutely doubly sure" because the first test I did when I was with Megan was a negative even though it worked out I would have definitely been pregnant at the time. It was only when I re-took the test two weeks later that it showed positive. A scan even proved I was 11 weeks at the time, so the test should have showed positive. The first test I did when I was pg with Nathan showed up right away and I was only very barely pregnant with him. My body is as wacky as my mind - go figure!

The weirdest thing was after thinking about that last night and starting to really worry about the possibility (yeah I slept badly too) .. I threw up this morning. It wasn't pretty is all I will say! Even the kids asked me if I'd been crying - LOL yeah I looked that bad!!! It was the start of me really feeling like absolute shite today.

I even remember thinking first thing this morning (about the point I gave up looking in the mirror and just put a hat on to take the kids to school!) ... I thought, is it me or is it just ironic that I throw up again (major pregnancy symptom after not throwing up for a LONG time) when I really start to panic about the "remote" (and seriously, it is a very very very remote possiblity! LOL) chance that I could be pregnant?

Bizarre how it was negative eh! LOL

(yeah I know, I take forever to get to the point!!)

So even though I was feeling crabby and crappy ... baggy and bloated. I went into work to do literally "the necessary" and came straight back home again. I put it down to working so hard recently for so many days in a row straight ... and needing almost a day off to recover from my day off yesterday!

Then - about half one this afternoon it happened! (cue Hallelujah chorus!) The reason for several anxiety / panic attacks today ... the reason why I have felt like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards!!

I GOT MY PERIOD! YEAH!!!!!! It's been incredibly light and hardly noticeable, but I'll deal on that! LOL I'm not just happy that I have absolute concrete proof that I am in fact NOT pregnant (even though the possibility was slim - did I say that enough yet? LOL) but it's also a reason why I have felt crappy and gained 2lbs this week! HAH!!

Okay period talk over - you can read again!!

The funniest thing was ... well, it wasn't funny as in haha but more funny as in hmmmm .... for that 2 minutes that I avoided looking at the results window, I actually hoped it would be positive even though I knew it would be negative!! Clear as mud? LOL A positive result would not have been a good result considering errr "circumstances" for want of a better term, but there was still a tiny part of me that knew there was that very VERY slim possibility.

I'm going to be 33 in July (tick tock and all that) and it's now very unlikely that I will ever have another baby. Those two minutes were almost like my last chance saloon and oh am I feeling it!

Hadn't meant to end on a melancholy note :-( Hopefully tomorrow will bring a better day ... and maybe I really REALLY need to get a puppy!!